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I was told by my fiancé that he came to bed one night after I had fallen asleep and started rubbing my back, which apparently prompted me to sleep-say “This just in! Local boy massages.. other local boy!!”
I am a 26 year old female but that night I was a young 19th century newsboy at heart.
Completely at random: "OPEN THE WINDOW ABIGAIL IM BURNING LIKE A MEATBALL" we don't even know an Abigail.
You don’t know an Abigail
“Bleach your asshole already, would ya?”
He sleeps very hard, we can have conversations while he’s asleep. I’ve got several of them on video and they’re some of my most favorite things
My wife once in the middle of a dead sleep just did like a possessed scream/yell. It was from quiet to loud. Kind of like aaaaaAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH. And then she started snoring immediately after. I didn’t go back to sleep for a while.
We come from the land of the ice and snow
One time while sleeping I grabbed my partner by the shoulder and told her “hey, people are just stacks of years” like it was the most important thing in the world.
Once, me and our roommate were downstairs, while my husband was sleeping upstairs. We heard him yelling in his sleep and I figured he was having a nightmare and went to check on him.
Turns out he was, in fact, not yelling. in his dream he had a bunch of creepy ghost children trapped in a hole and was mocking them by saying "WoOoOoO~ WoOoOoO~... Bitches."
Now that's marriage material!
Wife: Oh no
Me: What's wrong?
Wife: I forgot
Me: Forgot what?
Me: You forgot gravity?
Me: It's okay, you can't forget gravity
Wife: I can't?
Me: No, it's okay.
Out like a light.
My mom, awakened by a sound outside: what was that?
My dad, a climate scientist, sound asleep: it's just a glacier
I didn't witness it, obviously, but my mom still likes to tell the story
"The money is hidden off the road by the Indian Reservation." I tried to get her to talk more but she mumbled something I couldn't understand and went back to sleep.
She doesn't remember her dreams after she wakes up so it's this mystery of whether or not she hid money in the desert
She's definitely already moved that money.
My wife doesn't Reddit but she would jump to tell you that I said; "How come you get the cool spaceships and i get the Jetsons?" Then made the Jetsons flying car sound and went back to sleep
I miss the Jetsons!
My husband's Dad died on a fishing boat in the bering sea last year. It was a terrible way to go and he yells DAD very loudly like he's trying to warn him a line is about to hit him
Saddest one here - my condolences :(
I have two great ones:
I had stayed up late and husband was asleep in bed. We had creaky wood floors, so I was walking slowly into the bedroom trying not to make too much noise. I stepped on a creaky spot, and husband shifted in bed and then said, in a very cheeky/smiling tone: "I have a machine... that will shoot you.. if you move around. It'll shoot you right now!" Then he was back to be being dead asleep.
I was reading in bed, husband turned to snuggle into me and then this conversation: Him: (in a cutesy, flirty tone) "Coupons." Me: "Coupons?" Him: "Yeah, coupons."
What's not sexy about coupons?
This one's hilarious.
My roommate sleep talks almost every night and I once walked in on him sobbing. Full on bawling.
I asked if he was good and he said in the calmest voice “yeah sure I just wanted to see it to the end”.... he doesn’t remember it one bit.
The runner-up was when he burst into laughter and then said “why did none you try to chop my head off just then?”
He woke up during a really good dream for sure
I’m Im the sleep talker/walker. One night my husband woke me up because my sister was calling him in the middle of the night. I was very worried and asked her what was wrong. She was practically in tears and managed to squeak out “thank god you’re ok! I was so scared!”
I guess in my sleep I had called her mumbled then set my phone down next to my speaker which was playing the audio book that had fallen asleep to. What she heard was me whispering then a strange man talking. She thought I had been kidnapped. She texted and called me and when I didn’t answer she called my husband to see if I was ok. He was confused and tried to assure her I was sleeping peacefully in bed.
I’ve also ordered bras and three gallons of almond milk off amazon. I’m not allowed to have my phone near my bed anymore.
We both talk in our sleep but I think this one was so far the weirdest.
One night he started giggling and I asked him why he's doing it. Then he just replied with "I want to tap your teeth and make them go 'hello'!"
Still no idea what that meant.
Just remembered another one that was very weird.
One time in his sleep he started making very weird, distressed noises. I asked if he was having a nightmare and he told me he's in a war with colanders, trying to rip them apart with his bare hands.
My ex used to talk in his sleep and kind of sleepwalk too.. It was pretty funny.
My favorite was when I woke up to him holding my coat to the door, dropping it, and putting it back to the door. Not like, trying to hang it on the door, just like.... holding it to the door and dropping it repeatedly.
I asked him, uhhhhhhh what are you doing? He gave me a funny look and crept into the bathroom slowly, peeked around, looked at me (in bed) and asked, "are you in there?"
"no, i'm in bed..."
"oh. okay." and he came back to bed.
My second favorite was when he shook me awake and told me "I'm definitely not gonna do it." "do WHAT?" "yeah, I'm just feeling waaaayy too lazy and unmotivated right now." no shit dude, you're asleep....
I’m imagining the slow creep to the bathroom like a really exaggerated cartoon tiptoe and I’m cracking up.
Also, an ex of mine did something similar on shrooms: his friends saw him making some weird reaching motion from the painting on the wall to floor and back again. He later described that he thought he saw the painting sliding off the wall and down onto the floor so he was repeatedly trying to hang it back up.
While camping with a friend -- who wakes up an hour before me -- I had apparently been repeating "Come here boy" for the past 15 minutes before I woke up. I don't know why as I've never said that.
My ex's kid had a bed in the same room with us (he was 4) and one night I happened to just wake up and look over at him and he rose form his bed and stared out at the wall and whispered " who are you?" and at this point I was in full nope mode, and then he whispered "don't tell them" and then flopped back in his bed.
I remember waking up one night when I was about 14 and seeing my 12 year old sister sitting up on her bed, eyes wide open. She didn't say anything, just stood up on the bed, turned 180 degrees and walked face first into the wall.
She went straight back to sleep, my laughing like crazy woke her up again. She remembers nothing.
Edit: Thank you, kind stranger, for my first ever silver!
So one night at summer camp, we were staying up late hanging out, but a couple guys went to bed early. So around 1am one of them starts screaming at us about taking his blanket, and how he was gonna kick the shit out of all of us if we didn’t give it back. He didn’t have a blanket, it was the middle of the summer. So we grabbed a towel and threw it over him, and he mumbles “that’s what I thought” and goes quiet.
Later on, same guy, just absolutely snaps upright, “I gotta piss” and limbs down off the top bunk, eyes still shut. We were staying quiet because we realized he was still asleep, nobody wanted to be the one to wake him up. So he goes in the bathroom, and he takes a piss, flushes, and then WHAM “motherfucker”.
He apparently went into one of the stalls, and the door shut behind him. So when he turned around to leave, still asleep walked straight into the stall door. He didn’t wake up. Just strolled back into the room, climbed into bed, and pulled the towel over his legs, and bent at the waist and layer down like unfolding a hinge.
We didn’t think we were ever gonna stop laughing that night.
My wife swears up and down, that while she was reading before bed, I said: "I see you didn't bring the bag of leaves, so I know you're not serious."
Leaf game is weak af.
My girlfriend would be stressed about work, talking about speed sheets and emails. I would answer her and say the most outrageous things.
"The spreadsheets got ice cream on them and need to be set on fire"
How else would she be able to send smoke signals to her boss?
It’s not something he said, he sort of mumbles when he talks, but it’s the sounds he makes. Sometimes he giggles like a little girl; which is terrifying.
The worst was when he sat straight up and gasped super loud while staring at the wall. I asked what was wrong, but he was sounds asleep. Meanwhile, I couldn’t go back to sleep because I was so scared.
My 3 year old daughter "wakes up" and screams and tries to claw my eyes out. That's super scary.
My daughter got night terrors too. Horrifying.
Seems it runs in my family. My sister had them and my nephew has them. My nephew's been known to jump out of his bedroom window in the middle of the night into the snow in his underwear. It's pretty scary. My daughter scratched my face about two weeks ago and then asked me where i got the ouch the next day. You bloodied daddy's face, sweety.
My freshmen year of school I lived with two guys in a dorm room that talked in their sleep. They wouldn’t just talk though, they’d have separate conversations with each other.
One night I woke up and one was chanting “I am the spring berry, I am the spring berry.” The other just responded “yeah, but chick-fil-a said no in 2011.”
They have no memory of this.
I am the spring berry
He said my name drawn out long and with mild contempt. Then he yells “THE LADERRRRRRR!”
I’ll get the ladder for you, babe. No worries.
Edit: Just last night: He’s moving around slightly more than normal, so I wake up and ask if he’s okay. He says
“you need me to do two things?” I giggle as he gargles this in his sleep.
“What two things?” I’m still giggling
“You asked me to do two things. You tell me.”
“Uh, fix our vacuum?” (He broke the vacuum a little while ago)
“Oh. I don’t want to do that. Pick something else.”
“Go to sleep, love. That’s the second thing.”
“Ohkaaaaay. Love yooooou.” And out light a light.
He is really sweet, I tell ya.
My ex wife once said "We'll see how fucking funny you think it is when you're dead" in the middle of the night. Not mumbled. Fully articulated in a calm voice. Scared the shit out of me.
Current wife once indignantly shouted "I can't poop here! Everyone is watching!" And I do mean shouted. I cannot imagine how I would have reacted had I been asleep. As it was, I was playing with my iPad in bed while she slept and I about jumped out of my skin.
EDIT: Get your mind out of the gutter, children. I was playing some mother fuckin candy crush while my beloved slept.
My partner used to regularly talk in her sleep
It's late at night, after midnight, but I'm not entirely sure how late. I've not fallen asleep, but I turn over to try get comfy and see her looking straight at me and she says "Did you see it move?"
I promptly panicked and had to turn the light on, to which I get a mumbled groan of displeasure from my darling girlfriend who has slept through this entire thing.
Hard to decide between: "Why does he get XP for it, it's only a fucking rock" and "Why is there a dead Pterodactyl in the living room?!"
I never did find out the answers to both those questions.
EDIT: I asked her. The XP dream was apparently Skyrim related, it was pre ARK even coming out I think, and she's never played it. Still none the wiser on deceased Pterodactyls
Ex: why did you bring me sheep?
Me: because you asked me to.
Me: Do you like them?
Ex: Yes... They are nice..
Then she went back to sleep
You are smart. This is how I’ve told my spouse to respond to me when I’m talking in my sleep. If I wake you up, tell me something soothing or whatever and I’ll go back to sleep.
So you're saying that leaning in real close and whispering "Please wake up it's been ten years we miss you" is the wrong thing to do?
EDIT: Wait, I got upvotes and gold? I assumed the 20 notifications would be due to me saying something apparently horribly controversial as usual what the fuck is this?
That sounds like the perfect thing to say.
Please wake up it's been ten years we miss you
Really depends on your goals
My little brother: “it’s all good guys. I’ll be right back.”
Stands up and walks just outside my room.
Pees all over the floor.
Me: “What the hell??! What’re you doing?”
LB: “just using the bathroom.”
Me: “you gonna clean that up or flush.”
LB: “already did.”
Little brother tries to go back to sleep.
Me: “WAKE UP AND CLEAN UP YOUR PEE??!!!”
LB: “what pee?”
We live in a small house while getting ready to build a bigger one so we're all sharing a bedroom. My husband and my 4 year old daughter both talk in their sleep and will talk to each other. Weirdest thing I've ever seen in my life.
My girlfriend at the time had stayed over for the night the first time. Still fairly early in the relationship so we hadn't done anything intimate at the point. That'll be relevant here in a second. She caught me sleep talking.
Me "Put it in there."
Her "Put what in where!?"
Me "Put the sandwich in the bag!"
I'd been working as a trainer at a fast food place and was dreaming about someone not understanding what I thought were basic instructions.
Funniest one yet, glad I kept going.
The weirdest thing is hearing yourself sleep talking. My eyes were shut, and I was seeing only what was in my dream, but I clearly remember hearing myself speak the last sentence. I imagine that's similar to how lucid dreaming feels.
Oh yeah, that’s a trippy one. I was dreaming about way too many spiders trapped in glass cubes stacked on top of each other(yeah I don’t know either..), and I remember still seeing them clear as day as I grab my fiance’s arm and scream «DO YOU SEE THEM??!». He was like «See what??», «DO YOU SEE THE... spiders..?». The last word was said when I was fully awake and out of that absolute confusion.
TL;DR He didn’t see the spiders.
I’m the one who does the sleep talking. My fiancé woke up and saw me petting the blanket and referring to it as our dog who had recently passed.
Well fuck. I was having such a good time reading these and now I'm sad.
Edit: Thank you kind stranger for the silver!
Edit 2: Thank you again for the platinum!
The oranges don't go over fifty.
Shit, they're going over fifty!
What the fuck do you mean over fifty?!
I don't know.
That was the most annoying conversation I've ever had and she wasn't even conscious! I still want to know what she meant to this very day.
I still want to know what she meant to this very day.
Does she happen to work at NYSE and there was some terrible plant disease that made price of oranges globally go over $50 per piece?
Nope, but that does sound horrifying. I like oranges and would never spend $50 on one. In Japan, I've hears they pay roughly $60 per watermelon, now that's insane.
Not a partner but my brother. He spoke English.
This is noteworthy because we had only adopted him from Romania 3 months earlier knowing zero English. He spoke better English in his sleep than while he was awake.
My cousin reports I spoke Spanish in my sleep when we were younger. My grandparents did, and my father does, but I never learned. At least I don’t think I did...
It was me. Wife was getting ready for work in the morning. I was asleep. She kissed me goodbye. I then said, out loud, "boy, I sure hope that was my wife."
Like there are random women sneaking into my bedroom to give me kisses.
Edit: Wow. Thanks for the bling folks.
She did not think I had side women. She thought it was hilarious. I do sleep talk sometimes, mostly gibberish, like word salad type stuff.
My mum and dad have had similar things. Except one time I heard my mum laughing so hard and I went to investigate. She was trying to get into bed when my dad was sound asleep and he kept going "excuse me I'm married" and pushing her out again.
My dad had one incident where he was sleep walking/talking that my mom laughs herself into tears every time she tells it. This is also the story where I found out my parents sleep naked. I was 12 the first time I heard it. Anyway... My dad jumped out of bed in the middle of the night and grabbed the top sheet off of the bed, said in a very stern voice, “oh no you don’t!” As he ran “naked as an egg”(quoting my mother) into the bathroom and proceeded to shove the sheet down the toilet. He returned to the bed triumphant and woke up as he got into bed and tried to pull up the sheet he had just forced into the toilet. My mom was laughing and crying at this point and he was just really confused.
"Naked as an egg"
This is the best thing I've seen since an angry customer told me to "get my poop in a group"
At least his brain wants to keep him faithful even when asleep. What a cool guy.
That was legit wholesome, hahaha.
My fiancé once whispered very, very quietly:
‘I think there’s been a rape up there’
It was pretty creepy, but I think he was actually just quoting the office (UK version)
Not my partner, but my best friend. Drunk on New years and everyone was going to bed and she cuddled up on me. Middle of the night she goes "who the fuck stole my wine". I burst out laughing and it woke up her and other people around me.
Me, screaming "YOU BITCH, YOU BITCH!" in the middle of the night at my in laws summer home with them in the very next room.
I woke up once to my girlfriend muttering something about square roots fucking with her. This happened several times during the night and I eventually worked out that she was trying to perform a tree measurement calculation we had been studying all night in preparation for the test we had tomorrow. She had studied too hard and her brain was slowly working through the calculation in her head, but getting hung up on the square roots.
My college roommate and I apparently talked to each other in our sleep. His girlfriend said one time:
Me: dude, did you see that girl?
Him: so hot
Me: yeah man. I mean, did you see her elbows?
And this was approximately for 20 minutes
She said I made siren noises like a fire truck one night. Woo-Wee-woo-wee.
Edit: Apparently I have opposite fire trucks in my dreams going woo-wee instead of wee-woo...
Husband: “It’s all over the floor”
Me (mostly asleep and very confused): “What is?”
Husband: “Candy! But it’s okay, they’ll get it.”
Me: “Who will get it?”
Husband (quite happily): “The mices!”
Edit: My first silver! I love that it’s on “The Mices Story”
This made me giggle a bit. That's adorable
One of my friends little brothers came into the room where we were sleeping when he was sleepwalking. He kicked open the door and said,
"[friend's name]! Did you tell mom abou the soup thing?" To which my friend replied,
"What soup thing?"
"You know, the thing with the [strangled screaming noise] and the [bird noise]!" Then he stood there for a minute before leaving.
Oh, that soup thing!
I know the [screeching noise] thing! It's right outside my window!
The hottest place to get soup is [orangutan sex noises]. They have everything, from [strangled screaming noise] to [bird noises].
angry bird noises
My girlfriend says loads of weird stuff. Some of my favourites are:
“They got 4 things for Christmas”
“Why is the monkey lonely”
“I cut some of the thick italian”
"I cut some of the thick Italian" might be the most inexplicable thing I read today
give that monkey some fucking company
"There's no love here."
Also, he studied so hard for an organic Chem final a few semesters ago that in the middle of the night he dead ass said - "Aldehyde" at louder than normal talking volume. I still get a good laugh at this
My partner teaches drums part time, and he's sat up and started teaching a drum lesson in his sleep before.
Working fast food this happens alot
Dont have a partner, but i laugh in my sleep. And i would wake myself up from laughing
I woke up laughing once, and I was also yelling “STOP!”
In my dream, my wife was tickling me. I didn’t like it. But she wasn’t even in bed with me so she was super confused what was going on in the bedroom.
My bad man, sorry about that. You just looked so ticklish.
I once woke myself up because I was yelling in my sleep. Can’t quite describe the sensation of being pulled out of a dream by doing the same thing you did in the dream. It was like a weird transition back to my room and a quick realization that I’m actually awake.
I giggle like a fucking lunatic in my sleep sometimes. It's always a reaction to something perceived to be funny, but definitely isnt. One time it was the phantom of the opera guy taking his mask off. Another was shopping for ice cream.
I wrote this one down because it was so good.
"I don't like waking up and you're not there; it's like putting my dick in the toaster."
My girlfriend in college once rolled over so her mouth was right by my ear.
She then says, in a super hoarse voice, "DEATH".
She had no memory of this the next day, and didn't remember any dreams.
I'm still alive so...who knows.
My girlfriend will sometimes bolt upright and stare into the corner, when I ask her what’s up she’ll say “there’s someone in the corner”. I kinda laugh and be like what are you on about and then she’ll start laughing along too. Then she’ll wake up and be like “why did you wake me up? What do you want it’s late!”
I guess it sounds pretty creepy but honestly I find it hilarious
I woke up restless and hot, turned on the AC. Husband appeared to wake up too. He sat up and said “I’m your fan”, and waved his hands like a fan, and then laughed at his own joke and went back to sleep. Did not remember it in the morning.
This man is so Dad he does it in his SLEEP.
My husband once sat bolt upright in bed (still fast asleep) and yelled “CAN I GET A HELL YEAH?!?”. Being the supportive wife, I of course replied “HELL YEAH!”. To which he responded “Yeah! Woo!” before falling back down on the bed and resuming the snoring.
Wish I had a video of it. He still doesn’t believe me.
My husband talks a lot in his sleep. Most recently he looked distressed, so I reached over and kissed him to try to make him feel better. He became even more distressed and said, "What the FUCK was THAT" and turned over in a huff. Well sooOOooOooOoOOOooorry.
I'm sitting in bed, scrolling through Reddit, my wife is asleep next to me. This exchange ensues:
Wife: pushes me to get my attention
Wife: I want a crunch wrap supreme.
Me: I am not going to Taco Bell right now. It's after midnight.
Wife: But we're already here.
Wife: We're already at Taco Bell...see, there's the Chihuahua that says "Yo quiero Taco Bell".
Me: ....We're in bed.
Wife: starting to get irritated Yes, because we took the bed!
Me: We took the bed.
Me: And how did we do that?
Wife: Are you telling me you don't know how to drive a bed?!
Girlfriend in college, who was from Indiana, out of nowhere said, in a thick New York accent, "My ass is grass" and promptly fell back asleep.
Well, besides the time I woke up to my partner SCREAMING bloody murder, the very first time she stayed over I woke up to her saying in a loud firm voice, "IT IS TIME. YES, IT IS TIME."
“BRACE YOURSELF!” Then he let one rip and cackled like a maniac.
I'd hate to be the bearer of bad news... But he wasn't asleep.
I always find it the most creepy when he just laughs out of nowhere.
I pulled a (pellet) gun on my dad while sleep walking...to pay him back a nickel that I apparently owed him.
Absolutely insisted that he take the money too.
Looking back on it, I can somewhat figure out how it all transpired. I big into DOOM at the time, played it for hours on end.
I also got a new handgun-style pellet gun, which I kept in my room.
I have no idea why I owed my dad a nickel though...
Fortunately, he took the whole thing in stride, basically disarmed me, took the nickel, turned me around and sent me back to bed.
SO: HAHAHAHH! HAHAHA! while sitting bolt ass upright in bed.
Me: WTF?! Jesus christ, what are you doing?
Me: Are you fucking asleep?!
SO: NO! HHAHAHA!
Me: Yes you are, why are you laughing like that?
SO: Can't tell. We did it.
Me: Did what?
SO: Nope. HAHAHHA! We got Chris a PRESENT!
Me:..We got him a present, but you wont tell me what it is?
Me: Ok, you need to stop and go back to bed
SO : HAHAH...hah... FLAME RETARDENT POKEMON. Hah
And then he went back to sleep.
Son(sleeping): ONE HUNDRED?!?!
Me: 100 what?
Son: ONE HUNDRED PUSH UPS?!!!!
My boyfriend was asleep and I was in the mood for.. relations. I kind of nudged him and asked of he wanted to do things.
BF: mumbles and rolls over Me: Did you hear me? BF: "Mhm" Me: "Well.. do you wanna do anything?" BF: "It's a dark and gritty subtext."
We did not do anything that night.
Fun fact: subtext is an anagram of buttsex.
Me: covers girlfriend with blanket
GF: "Thank you, Patrick"
Patrick is not a regional name and as far as I know, we don't know any Americans or Irish or whatever. I can only assume she was thanking SpongeBob's best friend
Rolled over once to snuggle my sleeping husband and he pulled away from me growling “don’t touch me I’m married!” He got lots of brownie points.
Edit: whoa thanks for all the love guys. Hubby used to be a baker who did farmers markets and he’s pretty hot (if I do say so myself). All the lil desperate housewives would hit on him so I would imagine that was a practiced line in his head.
I also never told him what he said.... he just got some extra favors whenever I thought about it.
What a man!
I told my girlfriend I loved her the second week of dating.
Me asleep: go get the buckets
Him: buckets for what?
Me: the cats.
Me: yeah the cat buckets! Buckets for the cats yano! Then apparently I got annoyed and it ended. Its years old and still appears in conversations as one of the best sleep talks we've had.
A.R - "Don't rock the boat."
Me - "What boat, why?"
A.R - "Just. Don't. Rock. The. Boat."
So what do I do? I rock her a little.
A.R - "Oh God, no!"
Me - "What's wrong?"
A.R - "There's spiders everywhere! I told you not to rock the boat."
Then, then she screamed, jerked around, I got kicked in the chest, and she woke up to me being winded without being able to speak.
Shouldn't have rocked the boat.
Never rock the boat. I still remember that clear as day and it was about ten years ago now.
To be fair..she did tell you not to rock the boat so...
But it also became one of the best stories of sleep talkers I've personally experienced.
That's gonna be a no from me dawg.
My ex woke up halfway through the night once screaming "RESISTANCE" with a Hitler like salute.
Edit: my ex was a small Dominican woman
While rubbing my thigh "you sure do have a nice engine in your van"
While on vacation my SO woke up and said 'I think I saw a rat right there!' while pointing somewhere behind the bed and then promptly fell back asleep.
I'm the sleep walker here, but according to my gf there are 2 of particular note.
in the first, I threw myself on top of her. convinced I needed to shield her from whatever I was freaking out over. "you need to be very quiet"
in the second, I put her back to bed. she was trying to get up before me. I got up, walked around the bed, and laid her back down, folded her arms on her chest, tucked her in, then walked all the way around the bed and climbed in again. I have a particular memory of this one because she kept moving her arms and this was very annoying for reasons only dream logic can explain.
"No, I DON'T wan't discounted health insurance, I want it to be FREE!"
-My roommate, asleep at 6AM
Also my roommate, at varying ungodly hours "Satan, not now" and "I don't have time to die I have a final tomorrow"
I litterally feel his stress....
I have to pee gets up and walks away
half a minute later
wow hun thanks for turning on the bathroom light for me
Turns out he went in the fridge
I wasn't very well and got up to go loo and when i came back i thought my boyfriend was awake (his eyes were open and looking at me) so i told him i wasn't well, he told me to take a potion. I asked him what he was on about and he kept telling me to take a potion, i just sat there really confused before he finally said "you know the potion you got from doing that quest" that was when i knew he was asleep we are both gamers so it explained the potion bit.
My grandmother in her sleep asked me if I’d like a slice of pie, I politely declined and then a few minutes later she said “I can’t believe I ate the whole thing”
Him - "It's been four years and people still care!"
Me - "Care about what?"
Him - "The crash."
Me - "What crash? Train, car?"
Him - "Computer!" He said the last part rather angrily. If I questioned him again, he'd say "I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!"
Oh and one time, I woke up in stomach pain. I've had some stomach issues and I know when it's urgent. I woke him up to warn him I might need to go the ER.
Me - "Baby, my stomach hurts. Really badly"
Him - "Oh no, hold on me! Then just do the..." then he rolled to his side and said "In this life, sometimes we just do what the..."
Me - "Baby come on!! My stomach really hurts, I might need to go to the ER"
Him - "Oh no, hold onto me! It's ok we just gotta tell them to turn it down, and we can leave."
Me, shaking his shoulder this time - "Baby, my stomach really hurts!"
Him - "Oh no, hold onto me!" this time he was awake and didn't remember the first two times.
I talk a lot in my sleep. Yesterday, in my sleep, I propped myself up on one elbow and said “Purple bowls. Purple bowls.”
He asked, “What purple bowls?”
I said, “You’re getting abducted by purple bowls.”
Well, this doesn’t technically count but I’m gonna share. I was half-awake one night and I had this nagging feeling that there was someone in the corner of my room. Then I heard a whisper and right after that, my girlfriend woke up with a gasp. I asked her what was wrong and she said it was a bad dream. Next day, I ask her what the dream was and she said that someone was in the corner of the room and she heard a whisper. I asked her to tell me which corner and it was the same one as me.
Did you burn the entire house?
We're alone in the house, GF asleep on the couch.
Me: Hey, let's go to bed
GF: they're already in there.
Me: ...who's in there?
GF: (exasperated for some reason) THE TWINS.
I slept on the couch that night too.
I crawled into bed when she was asleep, she reached over and grabbed my arm. She snuggled my arm a bit and I thought it was sweet...
Until, with a thick Russian accent, she says "I BREAK YOU" and acted like she was snapping my arm.
Edit: while I appreciate all of the attention this post is getting, I need to inform you all that my wife would REALLY appreciate it if I stopped trying to "activate her" with random words. Thank you.