|Submited on :||Tue, 12th of Feb 2019 - 08:48:02 AM|
|Post ID :||aprcax|
|Post Name :||t3_aprcax|
|Post Type :||text|
|Subreddit Type :||public|
|Subreddit ID :||t5_2r275|
Absolutely was in the same place, op. Disagreeing with people sometimes makes you a whole lot more likeable than someone who just agrees and laughs with everything someone says. What helped me a lot recently was sitting down and understanding what my boundaries were, what things I did and didn't like. For an example, I hate people talking negatively about people's accomplishments, especially if they worked hard on them.
Now that I know this, I will continue to be my agreeable likeable self (and modest too!), but say Alex were to talk to me behind Ben's back about how Ben used to be really fat and that Ben must think he's so much better than us because he goes to the gym now. I'd tell him, without being overly aggressive, that I think it's really cool how hard Ben's worked to get where he is.
As long as you have a few ironclad principles you don't bend on, it's a lot easier to fight the need to have everyone like you. Because you won't care if the type of person who goes against them will like you. And in my experience, the same people, in this case Alex, will actually change their behaviour and even sometimes respect and like you more, because you were able to communicate your principles without being an aggressive dick about it.
You mentioned about how you politely let them know the part you don't like about them but for me I often let it build up in me and often vent out in an angry way. So I guess I could work on that. Hah
Also I tend grow into a group joker when I get to know all the people of a group well but ice-breaking is really tough and rare in the initial stages. For me to get on well with the group I need to know every person on a personal level to really get me to talk normally and contribute to a conversation.
Bottling things up never goes well. Trust me.
Gonna be completely honest with you, I don't think I can help too much with that second part. I've always found it really easy to let my personality loose when I know at least half of the group I'm with. My mentality is if the majority of the group knows you well enough and likes you then it's on the other people to try for your approval rather than the other way around. That sounds a lot meaner than I mean it to be but maybe that way of thinking might help you be yourself in a group setting?
In saying that though, i don't mean you should be a dick to the others in the group. Introduce yourself and ask questions if you're curious about them, give them opportunity to make friends with you. When you're friends with the majority of the group then it's you that decides whether you like them, not the other way around. As Machiavellian as it sounds, you're the one in power here.
Hope that helps!