So back story: I moved to Denver last year with a friend that I've known for about 10 years, but were not that close over that time. Both of us re-connected and realized we wanted to move to Denver so last Feb. we decided to do it and split the cost of getting out there from the South, etc. I won't go into much detail but my stress went up almost immediately before the move. He's looking to buy a condo and I was going to rent a 1 bedroom close by so our dogs can play and we can hang out, etc. 2 weeks before the move he decides not to buy and now I have to fly to Denver to look at 2 bedrooms - all while he's is Europe on vacation - literally coming back right before the long drive out.
The first few months were cool. We made the place our own, cleaning was easy because we were the same amount of messy and cleaned the same way. I thought this is great we don't need a chore list or any bullshit this is going to be awesome.
Then about month three things got terrible. He's from a small town and never been in the gay scene. I've lived all over the world and I just turned 40 while he is 34 and acts 18. (No offense to 18 year olds!) So now I live with a total alcoholic (who takes pills to make sure he doesn't black out) who goes out all the time because he has a job that is basically retail hours so he comes and goes at all kinds of crazy hours. I have no problem with what anyone does with their life and I never judge but once the drinking got worse and the partying I had to deal with:
Rude comments like you're fat, old and boring (but only said when drunk)
5am cooking sessions where you wake up thinking the house is on fire.
Lack of cleaning when hungover most days.
Watching anime on his TV in the bedroom with the door open to living area and top volume for days when strung out or hung over.
A transition from alcohol to cocaine and "molly."
Waking up early to work and come out to get a coffee and finding gay dudes passed out on the floor.
Random hookups all the time with guys coming and going. Pun intended.
Doesn't walk his dog well enough because it gets in the way of going to all of 3 gay bars (the only thing he's done since moved here) so the dog has anxiety and shit blood everywhere every day. I stopped cleaning it up.
The best was a cocaine and alcohol fueled night where he came home at 530am and forgot/lost his key for the 6th! time so instead of calling or sobering up in the hall - he decided to literally KICK a steel door down, and for 3 days while we had no door for replacement I had to take off work to be there for repairs and the dogs.
Never apologies for anything and is super passive aggressive because he will only communicate via text.
Me as a room mate: 40, work from home in a remote job. Keep to myself and even pay extra rent for the Master Bedroom.
I smoke a ton of weed - it is CO anyway! Rarely drink and haven't done hard drugs in years. I like to go out but maybe once a month or a nice dinner. Basically we have nothing in common in that regard.
I also travel a lot. I leave for a week basically every month but despite that he thinks "I'm always around" and "always in the way" - I think because even though I have a side gig I'm still home before him. Sorry dude, I just came home, my bad! /s
I pay for things like unlimited internet because he only streams tv and have never asked for that fee or even the renters because I get a good deal.
I walk around the apartment like I live with someone and try to be respectful - closing cabinets softly, etc.
I'm sure I have MANY annoying traits but I'm human, and most of the little annoying things he does - they roll off my back and I never bring it up.
Now we are at him moving out early on the 20th of Jan but the lease doesn't expire until the 15th. I'm staying after the 15th as my new apartment won't be available until March 7. He knows he has to pay Feb partial rent and cable/power for Jan. but he literally can't organize his way out of a wet paper bag or plan anything in regards to how it effects others. If he does plan anything, it will change often. For example, his move out date was the 20th, then the 27th, then 20th again, and now on the 11th it's finally confirmed on the 20th.
He wants to come back on the 1st and pay his portion of the rent himself. I want him gone on the 20th so I can get my life back together after all of this mess. Best part is that I work for a lawyer so here's my plan and I'd love feedback:
Drafted a basic legal letter from my lawyer stating that on the 20th, since I will have Feb breakdown of rent, he will remit keys to me, give me a check for his amount of Feb dated Feb 1 and made out to apartment office. I will average out cable/power and that can be a bank transfer due that day as well. That would satisfy his financial obligation and his move in one single transaction - now we have to figure out cleaning.
I get the impression that he doesn't want to come back to clean and doesn't understand that we have to do a deep clean on move out. I came up with three options for him: 1, come back on March 8 or 9 to help me clean (not that I want him to be here), where we would clean each of our rooms and baths so that now so we only have to do the common areas (kitchen, dusting, windows, appliances, etc.) 2, Hire a maid service for just the common area and his area (he wants to split this, I think he should pay.) 3, leave on the 20th and never come back and pay me a flat rate of $150 ($100 less that most services here) and I will clean everything provided he does a basic clean on his room/bath.
What do you guys think? I'm being made out to be the bad room mate here, when his lifestyle has literally had a negative impact on my life in many ways - I won't even go into that mess. My lawyer thinks what I want is fair and is drafting a letter as I type this for him to look at - even giving him 72-96 hours notice to plan for the money, cleaning, etc.
TL;DR - Room mate is shitty, destructive and stupid - now I'm having to resort to a lawyer just to clarify how his move out will go. Yet this and my "being here all the time" makes me the bad room mate in his opinion.
Finally - this had been my second room mate ever and I think I've done pretty good trying to be accommodating but I don't care at this point - never going through this again. Thanks guys for support and your responses. Any questions just ask! :)