This feeling IS getting a phd.
I had a really good friend who was 2 years my senior in her phd. She checked EVERY SINGLE BOX by the time she graduated. 2 predoc fellowships, something like 15 papers, 4+ years time working at ronald mcdonald house, a billion conferences, travel awards, presenting awards, and she ALWAYS spent 10 hours in the lab every single day. plus weekends.
Anyway, turns out she was a complete cunt and tried to sleep with my husband (who told me). She was also miserable AF.
Moral of the story is being a ridiculously good phd student doesn't make you a good person. Or make your life fulfilling. Might get you a good job I guess, but so do connections and word of mouth through being a good human being. Breathe and do your best work with what IS on your plate. It will look better than taking on more and doing shitty work.
Thanks. I mean I don't feel like I'm a bad person if not, but I'm really feeling pressure to get a job in another country and also I suck at networking so I feel like I have to compensate extra for that because so many people seem like naturals at it.
Naw... especially in academia... no one is a natural at it. In fact some of the best connections I've made have been at the hotel bar at a conference.
i guess some people fake it well! haha
i don't know how people at conferences have the capacity to interact by the evening but i guess that is something else i need to work on.