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When the kid who shit talked you on XBox becomes president.
Is my mom going to get to be the first lady? All that fuckin going on; he could at least put a ring on it.
Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free???
Did you just call my girlfriend a cow? No I think he called her a whore!
How great would it be if him and trump took a disliking for each other and had a Twitter war.
He is like a cartoon character. I'm surprised he's never been on south park.
"Oh yeah, well you say they are useless, but I would like to see you stand diagonally in front of one...."
Edit - Thanks for the Gold kind stranger. May your castling be smooth and uneventful.
Edit 2 - Thanks for the Platinum kind stranger. May your en passants be allowed and not cause an argument.
Edit 3 - Thanks for the Silver kind stranger. May your knights be used to jump the Queen, or King, whatever your preference.
Edit 4 - and I just found out r/awardspeechedits exists. F*ck that sub, I will thank who I want, how I want. What a bunch of miserable pricks you are.
Check mate atheists
This man chesses
I briefly thought that this man cheeses.... and accepted it
The spirit of Mitch Hedberg is smiling down on you.
Literally a "Will no-one rid me of this troublesome priest" moment.
AKA Stochastic Terrorism
The title is hilarious, but the undertones here are pretty sinister. I don’t know the details, but I’m guessing the Catholic Church is harboring dissent against this murdering fuckhead.
"All they do is criticise," he said, in criticism of the priests.
They're all 'stop killing drug addicts' and 'raping your maid is a sin.' All I hear is 'blah blah blah, wah wah wah, the pope wont let me have a boyfriend!'"
"This is BULLSHIT this religion is BULLSHIT half my population is Muslim anyways FUCK THE CHURCH FUCK THE POPE I'M GONNA GO KILL SOME POLITICAL OPPONENTS BYE NOW"
He sounds like King Ahab who complained that he didn't like to consult the prophet Elijah because he never prophesied anything good about him.
To be fair, Duarte does a lot more than criticize...
will no one rid me of these fabulous priests?
The Filipino President has previously said 'almost 90 per cent' of priests are gay
Last month he also called on citizens to 'kill' priests in a speech at his palace
This guy just gets crazier and crazier the more you know about him..
He's already hit peak crazy.. This is just sauce.
Who's crazier? Him? Or the people who voted for him and still support him?
I've worked with lots of older filipino ladies who are super nice and friendly, but then you mention gay people or atheists, and they say some of the nastiest, most ignorant shit with a straight face and no hint of malice in their voice.
Can’t help but imagine that this is a way to discredit and damage the Catholic Church, who are probably his biggest threat in having total control.
He can’t control the church, so he wants people to stop listening to it.
I'm mostly surprised that he can get away with slurring the church in a hypercatholic country like the Philippines.
EDIT: Apprently Philippines isn't as Catholic as I thought it was.
I'm saying this as a son of Filipino immigrants, as well as a dude who's cynical of Christianity because the most miserable people I have personally known are / were devout Christians:
Filipinos claim to be devout Catholics, but most of them are hypocrites. I'm tempted to say that the whole nation is filled with hypocrites.
Just look at the current Filipino president, who won his election by a landslide. When he was mayor of Davao City, he publicly supported the Davao Death Squad, a vigilante group that executed drug dealers, petty criminals, and even street children. One of the big reasons why he won his election was because he promised to bring that same brand of street justice to the entire nation.
More than 7,000 people were killed in the brutal ‘war on drugs’ in the Philippines between July 2016 and January 2017, under instruction from the country’s president, Rodrigo Duterte. Duterte ordered Philippines’ police forces to kill anyone they believe to be connected to the drugs trade when he assumed office in June 2016. State forces and vigilante groups have followed through these orders ruthlessly.
One of the 10 Commandments is, "Thou shalt not kill." Yet more than 15 millions Filipinos gleefully voted for a guy who straight-up promised to order the execution of anyone suspected of selling or using drugs. This is also a guy who later said that when innocent people die during this drug war, that's just how it goes.
Due to antiquated religious reasons, the Philippines is one of only 2 countries in the entire world where divorce is illegal. The other country? Vatican City. So in the Philippines, divorce is bad, but the summary execution of many thousands of people who may or may not be involved with drugs, as well as the death of innocents caught in the crossfire, is totally fine as far as this weirdly popular president is concerned.
Speaking of popularity, according to this article Duterte's popularity started off sky-high, and he still has majority approval even after a substantial dip.
Since he was elected in 2016, Duterte’s popularity rating had remained at about 80% due to his appeal to the biggest sections of voters – poor people in urban areas and the middle classes – many of whom praised his brash, often offensive style, which was seen as an antidote to “corrupt, imperial Manila”.
But his popularity has nosedived and is, by some estimates, at 50-60%, mainly because of a controversial tax policy. The Duterte administration introduced a levy that aimed to reduce national poverty to 14% but in fact increased the price of everyday goods with a value-added tax. It meant the cost of food rose by 10% in September, with fish up by 12% and vegetables by 20%. Some disgruntled shoppers reported loaves of bread being smaller.
Despite all the heavily non-Catholic behavior - turning the police into an execution squad, calling the Christian god a "stupid son of a bitch", openly criticizing the core beliefs of Catholicism, like original sin, etc. - his popularity rating is still above 50%.
I think it's safe to say that many, many millions of Filipinos are Catholic in name only.
As much as I loathe my country's government, I must admit: I'm glad I don't live in the Philippines.
I spoke with one of my Filipino friends about this (not pulling the I have x friend card but as an expat he had the best insight I could find) and long story short is that it's still a developing/third world country that doesn't have the luxury of waiting for development.
Duerte is essentially the Filipino people crying out for help. They know they have problems and they know the guy with the solution is nuts, but in their view the problems have to come first.
Obviously doesn't apply to all of them as it's why my friend and his family left, but I think there is some merit to that if only that it provides a rationale.
Developing countries are still developing countries. Basically every developed country would still be better (at least on a day to day basis).
More "culturally Catholic" than hypercatholic. Sure, there are some hardcore devotees, but they are relatively few, just newsworthy every now and again like when they decide to get crucified to crosses for real during the lenten season. There's also a growing population of agnostics and atheists in the country.
Duterte claims to have been raped by a preist when he was an alter boy and attributes it to his violent tendencies in his adult life. I believe his hatred for the Catholic Church is genuine and emotional rather than strategic. It seems like his support has been waning over the last year and I'm not sure criticising the church will help.
If you want to learn more about what a shitty person Duterte is, I'd recommend the Behind the Bastards podcast to you. They did a two part episode on him and everything they do is well researched and entertaining.
I have a friend who is in a relationship with a Filipino woman. He moved there for work ages ago, met her and now they have a kid together. The church allowed her to get divorced from her previous husband but the government won't recognise the divorce so so they can't legally get married. There's definitely a bit of power struggle between the church and state.
This guy is shit talking the church in a speech the same way I shit talk while playing dota, incredible.
Pope Francis started to issue a statement but was cut off by Duterte claiming he had "fucked ur mom last night" and told Francis to "just sit in town fucking feeder"
The Church is his largest and most vocal opponent.
The president isn't making some ambitious progressive statement. He is simply calling the church gay, as a school yard bully.
He jailed a senator and is attempting to jail another one. The CEO of the biggest critical media outlet is also in trouble. Guy must be reading the wikis of dictators.
Are you talking about the Rappler CEO?
Man who has killed thousands of people in bullshit 'anti-drugs' operations, that brags about raping and killing people in his past, who makes married women kiss him on live TV, also says priests are gay, so he's a hilarious dude, gotta laugh guys gotta laugh.
These are probably the same people hyperventilating over Trump. Such people should learn to stop compartmentalising their opinions of politicians.
This guy has definitely had some unfortunate run-ins with priests in the past
Yes, he has said he was abused by one.
He also said he sexually assaulted a maid. He also said he has killed multiple people. He also said a lot of things.
The guy is a piece of shit.
Yet he stays in the church as a practicing Catholic but advocates for killing all the priests. I can't even fathom the mental thread one has to follow in order for that to make sense.
There’s no mental thread. He’s catholic because that plays best for politics in the phillipines. He wants to kill the priests because the church has historically always been the check on a tyrant. I know that anti-religious sentiment plays well on reddit, but the church’s insane power in every nation for the last few centuries has kept radical tyrant dictators somewhat in check. There’s a reason why tyrants either take over the church or destroy it. Duterte can’t take over the church like the Russians did, so he’s destroying it.
This is why Math teachers make you show your work. Just because you got the right answer does not mean that you got there the right way.
So basically what you're saying is that the end does not justify the means? Fuck, ok...
Puts priest-bat back into its case
when I was small I used to perform division by canceling any number that they had in common.
EX : 55/45 became 5/4. The teacher wasn't amused at my mental gymnastics. But I didn't care as long as I got to shout out the answer first, correct or not be damned.
perform division by canceling any number that they had in common
This was why I nearly gave up on math when I learned integration by substitution and cancelled du/dy by dy, leaving only du.
I thought the du/dy was merely a symbol that meant "this is a derivative" until that point. They whole class was like "sir, you can't cancel a symbol..."
Did they not teach you the limits definition of derivatives? It means "tiny bit of x divided by tiny bit of y", so of course a "tiny bit of y" cancels with an equally tiny bit.
Yeah we all learned that but it never occurred to us that when we write dx/dy it's an actual operation not just "here lies a derivative", like using alphabets for unknowns.
You have to be very careful here, you cannot just treat dx like an algebraic variable just like that. It's easy to make mistakes this way. Integration by substitution works because it's a theorem, not because you can just cancel dy.
Remember the old days of the internet, when people would just type 'first' in a comment bar? You did that. In real life. Maybe I got the words good and nice mixed up, because I just figured if it wasn't important enough to share, it should stay in my head.
But that doesn’t give you the same answer. 55/45 = 1.22222 (repeating). Would round to 1.22.
5/4 = 1.25, exactly. So you’d be 0.03 off.
Holy shit the title is hilarious
Edit1: so my most upvoted comment is about how fucked up some presidents are
When I saw it I thought this is the funniest shit Duterte has said yet.
Why are all leaders different sides of Creed from The Office?
I'm not really sure but we're all fucked when the hide-tanks-in-everything side of Creed appears somewhere
"Warhound Titan behind a small bush" Creeeeeeeeeeeeeeed?
What if 40k Creed is the same Creed from the office stuck in the warp for many millennia.
Merkel's got, like, 10 Baneblades just hiding somewhere
Sure the title is fun untill you read that he's calling for priests to be killed. We all know how that went with the countries drug dealers and users.
He also joked about wanting to rape a woman who was raped to death, has confessed to rape/heavy drug use, and kills his political enemies then plants drugs on them.
It’s less funny when you get to know the guy.
Was going to upvote until your obnoxious Reddit edit
Last month he also called on citizens to 'kill' priests in a speech at his palace
I don't get it. 80% Catholic country. 40% attend mass regularly. How does this guy win an election?
Because Filipinos are generally massive hypocrites.
40% attend mass regularly
Yes, and that 45 minutes on Sunday is the only time they act like it. The rest of the time, it's "fuck you, got mine", and crab mentality abounds.
What's with this shift into crazed dictators across the world? Sometimes I feel like I woke up in the evil mirror universe one day.
Its about that time of century again
Just keep an eye on Munich’s beer halls and we’ll be fine.
Well the world actually did end in 2012 like we all feared and now we are actually in some form of purgatory or hell. Truly the darkest timeline.
Let’s not pretend for a single fucking second that this guy isn’t terrifying please
While there’s a whole tonne of classic, wacky quotes to pull from Duetre’s time in office alone, here’s another fun quote, this time about journalists!
Most of those killed, to be frank, have done something. You won’t be killed if you don’t do anything wrong.” He appeared to announce his support for killing “corrupt” journalists: “Just because you’re a journalist you are not exempted from assassination if you’re a son of a bitch”.
A lot of the comments seem to have headed that way but not all. They're forgetting or ignoring his dark, homicidal side for the haha's
This sounds like the sort of thing you would shout at someone in the playground back at school.
It's a distraction people, haven't you learned already
Especially now that the city he used to run (now being handled by his daughter) is being investigated for having thousands of ghost employees.
I'm not Catholic but the Catholic Church, with all its many (and often horrendous) flaws, is one of the main forces opposing brutal dictators like Duterte in the Phillipines and Ortega in Nicaragua. The church is often a refuge for those hiding from the government. I know Reddit hates religion, but can we at least recognize that the church is the good guy in this particular instance?
This is the best tl;dr I could make, original reduced by 66%. (I'm a bot)
Filipino President Rodrigo Duterte has called on the Catholic Church to allow priests to have boyfriends.
It comes just a month after Duterte said in a speech at the Presidential Palace in the Phillippines that Catholic priests are 'useless fools' who should be 'killed'.
The Catholic church has also made their concerns known, following the death of three of its priests since December 2017.However, Duterte has hit back at the church on various occasions about church morality in light of the high-profile international sexual abuse scandals involving priests.
The crazy thing is my coworker is from the Philippines and is a devote catholic. He only supports him because apparently it is much safer where his family is from. Apparently there has been an ongoing uprising in the southern Philippines with militia and cartels. I have asked him about some of the things he says and my coworker explains that it is hard for us to understand, Philippinos want a strong leader and most of what he says is probably false or does not actually believe. The important thing is for my coworker is the president strikes fear into terrorists/cartels and other countries leave the Philippines alone. He says they are very proud people and being bullied by China or other countries is political suicide.
Coworker is right, I still don't understand. Can't you have all these things without having a loose cannon run the country or maybe that's part of the gig?
Edit: I always assumed he was a crude populist but from some of these comments, their president is just another morally currupt politician that lacks the ability to govern and hides it under this act he puts on.
They're an Overseas worker, no? They're so wrong.
Ohohoho, him a strong leader? Filipinos still undisciplined as hell, the only thing that has changed is that they have become more judgemental and just vocal on how they want to kill the dregs of the society, including the poor. The Commission of Audit just did their job and he's now having a tantrum. He appears "strong" because of his coarse language. He appears as a "Siga" or Bully in english. But politics wise? LOL
The cartels are afraid of him? He let Peter Lim go. His courts acquitted the daughter of a drug lord. There had been 10 thousands of people that had been killed, and how many bigwigs did they get? Less than your fingers. "Tokhang" system was so goddamn broken that people reported their enemies as "drug users" on the hopes that they will be killled in a police operation. He used the drug war to frame his critics and silence the opposition.
Strikes fear to other countries?! HAHAHA, China has been enroaching our western waters, and harrassing our fishermen who have the right to be there. He squandered the UN tribunal so he can play footsie with China. He bowed to China. He sold this country to China. And yeah for all the talk about hating drugs, his administration fucking allowed this to go past them and be distributed. I don't know if they are even afraid of us because surely our neighboring SEA countries sees us how much of a fucktoy we are for China.
The previous admin manage to toe with China without this asslicking. I hope they go back to the Philippines so that they can experience the economy the last two governments had curated, fall in two years.
This is so fucking spot on. I can't believe that some people here still believes in him. You can't take the president's words seriously because if he fucks up, his speaker will just say that the president is just joking. Tired of his bullshit misogynist ways.
Is this thee same crazy guy from before, or did they replace him yet?
Did no one read the article? He said all this shit at a groundbreaking ceremony for a school. What the fuck does any of that have to do with building a school?
The fact that he thinks priests are useless gay fools who should be killed isn't all that surprising. But what the fuck kind of speech for a school segues into homosexuality, religion, and murder?
Well it's a schoolyard insult after all
How is this guy not BFFs with Trump
Trump wanted that and invited him to the White House, often praises him. Duterte though has always been quite skeptical of the US in general.
If he was born in 1945 wouldn't he have been born a US Citizen?
No, he would have been born a US National, not a US Citizen because he was born into a colonial possession of the US, he wouldn't have been afforded the rights enjoyed by a US Citizen. For example, from 1934 on Filipinos were restricted from immigrating to the States by quota of only 50 people per year (unless they served in the military). The history of colonial oppression and later geopolitical hegemony are things that would count against the US for him.
Hes also completely insane and paranoid, he wants to discredit the church as much as possible because he sees them as a threat.
This is the same man who is responsible for death squads roaming the country murdering people, while using his drug war as an excuse to kill politicians he sees as threats.
My first thought: Isn't this guy a homophobe dictator? Why would he want the church to normalize this?
Then: OH, he ALSO hates priests. Got it.
EDIT: Homophobe by the standard I'm used to (using slurs, etc.) but I can see where some of his stances are more tolerant than many, internationally.
Where did you get that from? The guy isn’t a homophobe at all. He’s actually pro gay marriage.
Oh wow, I thought you’re talking BS and went to get a source, but you’re actually right o.O
Another misdirection as chinese vessels are free to roam West PH sea.
I hate language like this, even from a crazy person like him. It just continues to muddy the line between a mentally unstable pedophile and the rest of gay people. Not all gay guys abuse children, and commenting that all priest are gay, or useless, or kill them because some are pedophiles is kind of scary for gay priest and should be for gay men.