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I never planned for my future when I was younger because I never saw myself living past 18. During my early 20’s, I went through the motions of what was expected of me from societal norms. I went severely in debt for an undergrad degree. Did a teaching program in which you get your masters while you teach under an emergency license in a high risk school. I ended up in a job I fucking hated (loved the students, hated the system and being apart of it). Every morning on my way to work I thought about ways I could get injured just enough to miss work but not life threatening.
Point being, I had no control over my shit life growing up. I was refused any counseling services because in my mother’s world mental illness is made up. When I was on my own, I just went through the motions even though I did have control over my life and health care. It took a year of daily thoughts of self harm to realize I needed to start taking control of my life.
I quit my job and have been bouncing from job to job. Typical millennial holding a job for a few years then floating to the next. I recently turned 30, and I finally feel like I found my career. I went from not seeing my future past 18 to planning for retirement at my current job.
Edit: Wow. Thank you to the individuals who gave me gold & silver. I appreciate all of the messages & replies to the comment. It helps me feel connected to a community to know that I'm not alone and was never alone - despite years of feeling as such. I even appreciate the person that created an account closely similar to mine to say I was a high class escort. Frankly, if I'm anything, it would be closely related to the dollar store, off brand kind of comparison. I do plan on responding and, again, appreciate it all.
I thought about ways I could get injured just enough to miss work but not life threatening.
this is what I'm feeling right now. Being in a job you hate does kill you slowly.
Sometimes quitting is the best choice. Your health matters. Fuck them, you have zero obligations to them at all. Besides doing your job to get PAID. Your obligation is to get the $$ not have the job be your life.
EDIT: Common sense truly isn't common I suppose. Obviously line up another job or have a means to live before you decide to leave.
I ended up in a job I fucking hated (loved the students, hated the system and being apart of it). Every morning on my way to work I thought about ways I could get injured just enough to miss work but not life threatening.
dude, I had the same exact experience, more or less. I've taught in some awful schools (mostly bc of admin and coworkers) and have fantasized about wrapping my car around a guardrail so I could miss work.
People who have never taught don't get it. My sister and her husband are lawyers and they talk down about teaching a lot. I tried to explain to them that teaching isn't hard intellectually...it's hard emotionally. It will break your spirit and break your resolve. I've had a lot of jobs and none have ever been as emotionally taxing as teaching elementary school. But all everyone ever sees is the schedule and summers off and bla bla bla. If it's so easy, why don't you try it? Why are there less teachers each year? Why do 50% of teachers quit within the first 3 years? I guarantee that unless you're one of the special ones who have mastered themselves, teaching children will break you.
I'm stalling going to work right now. As soon as I get in the car, those thoughts will come.
Teaching is hard.
teaching isn't hard intellectually...it's hard emotionally
At 45 years old, I'm slowly starting to understand "find your passion" and "if you love what you do, you'll never work a day in your life".
Last time I had to go for a drug test, there was a guy who stood in the bathroom with me and watched me pee into the cup. At first I thought "That poor guy. All he wanted was a career in the medical field, and he got stuck watching guys pee all day."
Then I realized, this was not a loser who got stuck in a shitty job. That is a guy who likes to watch men pee, and found a way to earn a living doing it. Who am I to kink shame? He goes home at the end of the day a helluva lot happier than me.
I lost my father to suicide at 13. My mom was in and out of rehabs her whole life. All I had was music. I dropped out of high school, i would literally stay alive just because new music would come out or release dates of albums..today, I own a behavioral healthcare center that specializes in addiction treatment now. I’m finishing up my masters degree and not only am I sober but my mom is today. My relationship with my family is amazing. I got out of the Midwest and moved to Los Angeles. I’d tell myself that it’s going to be okay, that the struggle I faced only led me to the success I have today.
EDIT: Wow, this blew up. For all of you asking how I opened a program. I basically was connected to someone who had the resources but didn’t know how it works, and my former boss knew I had the ability to develop a program but didn’t have the resources. It was certainly a lucky break but I also gathered enough knowledge to have the ability to own a part of an organization and not put money in. I got very lucky but had a lot of tenacity and never gave up. I think my biggest influence was the fact that I grew up in counter culture, and knowing I’d be a statistic who fell into the same things my family fell into is what always scared me. I sat with a therapist, I struggled, and dealt with my trauma. I found an intern therapist that was 20 bucks per session because she wasn’t licensed and really went for getting healthy. I initially got sober just to get everyone off my back, but about a decade later it was the best decision I’ve made. I still struggle from time to time. I have a great life today though. If you can take one thing, don’t give up. Heal from pain, talk to someone. Your trauma and pain make you stronger. My first tattoo was a quote my brother always told me, “without struggle there is no progression”.
This makes me so happy! Congratulations! I’m glad you were able to turn all of that life experience into something powerful, meaningful, and lasting.
Thank you for the work you’re doing out there.
I'm so glad you held on and fucking used those experiences to help others, fuck I wanna hug you.
I never had real suicidal ideations, but I definitely thought it wouldn't be too bad if I died in a car accident or the gas station I worked at blew up while I was emptying trash cans or something. For me it was games instead of music, I'd think "yeah but GTA V comes out in a couple months, I definitely wanna play that."
Music helped me immensely, but not in that way. Games were the thing to look forward to.
I got out of the Midwest and moved to Los Angeles.
The dream. Do you call your home state a flyover state now?
Those would be called "passive suicidal ideations". The thoughts such as, "if a car blows this red light and just takes me out that'd be fine." are something I start to have at the beginning of a depressive episode. When I notice them I know I have to be wary of my brain for awhile. I hope you can get better and get where you need to be.
I'd tell myself to see a fucking doctor and get some antidepressants/anti-anxiety meds sooner. I suffered from depression, OCD, and severe anxiety from early childhood, and everyone just expected me to figure my shit out. I was so skeptical of pharmaceutical treatment that it took me until age 28 to ask for the help I needed. Sertaline has completely changed my life over the last 10 months. Life's not perfect, but I can't tell you how good it feels to experience things like a normal person instead of through a filter of pessimism, paranoid anxiety, and low-key self-hatred. I wake up happy.
It's freaky how much this reads like my own story. Depression, anxiety, OCD, and SPD from early childhood. Everyone (myself included) expected me to just "figure it out." I had to get to a point where I was barely leaving my apartment for days at a time and ended up withdrawing from my university before I got help at about age 20. Therapy and sertraline have been lifesavers; my intrusive thoughts crop up maybe 5% as often as they used to, and I can actually function on a daily basis. Looking back, I just want to shake some sense into my past self. I was so worried about medication changing my personality, when in the end, it revealed my personality. It whittled away all of the layers of mental illness and allowed me to be an actual person for the first time in my life.
It's bizarre to be an adult and to actually be happy. I never thought this was possible just a couple of years ago, but here I am. I still have to cope with residual anxiety and OCD, and SPD will always affect my life, but I'm in a place where working through those things is actually worth it - I actually want to keep living. I want to see tomorrow. I'm graduating from college in May, and I'm looking forward to my future.
This gives me hope at 27 during recovery of one of my worst lows yet. Thank you for what it’s worth...
I'm in the shoes of your younger self now. I have one question, is this new you really you? I watched my mother get pretty much the same treatment and she is a shell of who she was. She no longer is capable of in depth conversation, but she is happy. She has been "dumbed down" to such an extent that she really is a different person now. I don't want this, for anyone, but especially myself
I went through a year's worth of trial and error to find the right meds. Seroquel made me feel better but like a sleep walking zombie. I stuck it out for almost 2 months and then asked for something else. I went through about 5 different meds before I found one that lets me feel like myself, just without the intrusive thoughts, the inexplicable paranoia, the sudden anxiety attacks for no reason, and the crushing depression that would come out of nowhere. I feel like my true self, the self that I could sometimes find in between depressive and paranoid episodes, except I feel that way all the time now. I can't describe it as anything except stable. If you don't feel like you, then it's not the right medication for you. If you're not sure that it's a good fit, don't be afraid to try something else. If you end up trying every drug on the market, you can still go back to the very first one if you feel like it was the best one, but if you have even a doubt that you're not where you should be, don't settle. Be your own advocate for your mental health. My doctor originally told me she thought I would adjust to the seroquel or maybe I should just sleep more but I insisted that it wasn't quite right and eventually I found something that makes me feel like I have truly gotten my soul back.
I can't speak for the original commenter, but I'm on the same meds for the same issues, and I can say getting on meds + going to therapy was the best decision I ever made. I was worried about the same thing as you. The thing is, my personality didn't change - it was pretty much just uncovered from beneath all the layers of anxiety and depression. I'm the same person, just more...vibrant, I guess. And definitely happier.
Just keep in mind that all people will react differently to different meds, so you'll often need to try a few before you find one that works. Also, if you don't like the effects, you can always stop taking a medication.
Thank you for the reply man. Absolutely people all react differently, I am just shit scared of not being able to tell that I am a zombie. This is something that I am going to have to put a lot of thought into over the next coming months
Yeah, it's a tough decision to make. It took me a long time to try medication, but the first time around the med I tried didn't work and I decided I wasn't ready anyway, so I stopped taking it. I waited more than a year before I tried again with a different medication, and I was really lucky that I got it right on the second try.
Something to keep in mind is that people you're close to - friends, family, whoever - will notice changes. My friends have pointed out to me how much happier and more outgoing I am without me ever telling them I went on meds. The same thing goes for negative changes; people will notice if you start becoming spacey. If there's someone you trust enough, you can also ask them to keep an eye out for changes since it's sometimes hard to spot them from the inside.
Take better care of your teeth.
Couldn't agree more. It's pretty frightening to see how expensive it is to fix your teeth when they get bad.
I don't know much about others, but when I go through depression, I don't bother keeping up appearances in the slightest (probably because I went months without seeing another person), so hygiene went down the drain. I've made way too many mistakes, including addiction, but if I could tell one thing to my younger self, it would, without a doubt, be to take better care of my teeth.
I was able to find my way out of addiction and have been clean for almost 6 years, but I genuinely have no idea how I'm going to fix my dental issues.
If you ever plan on coming out to AZ, and want to setup shack and wait for a chance, we have a bi-yearly event called AZMOM, which is a dental fair. You'd have to sit in line for the better part of a few days, but they will fix your teeth, free of charge.
I think they have it in every state. MOM stands for Missions of Mercy; look up that with your state to see when they do ir
Wow you’re a life saver. I don’t have insurance and dental care was about to make me burn into my savings lol. Thank you
That's such a cool program. That should be a national thing.
Most dental schools around the nation will fix teeth for low cost or even free in some cases.
The cost is lower, very rarely free. Some schools have very low costs, close to the price of materials, others not so much. A lot depends on location as well as what a laboratory charges you to fabricate crowns, dentures, etc. Still less expensive than the expertise of a dentist, but the currency you pay for it with is also time.
I’m in dental hygiene school - we have it set in tiers. So if your insurance won’t cover it, the most you’d pay is around ~$80-100. If you’re low income it’s around $30. Homeless is often free and students is around $10. I also know many of us pay for our patients out of gratitude for them being willing to help our education.
what about a national healtcare program that includes dental?
Sadly not even Australia has that (anymore... We used to though)...I really don't understand why the field of medicine (at least in this country, though I don't know what the situation is elsewhere) does not encompass the teeth - not to give dentists a hard time but it really should be the case that the practice is a specialisation of the medical profession like any other that requires the achievement of an MD.
There seems to be something of a stark difference in perception in that it would be seen as absolute unethical to get a patient to continue to return for subsequent visits, ie. to break up the treatment in order to score more money from them rather than just schedule one session and fix the whole damn problem. Now I have to tell myself that such behaviour has to be in the minority surely, but that's what has happened every time I've seen a "private practice" dentist, in stark contrast to public dentists before dental ceased being provided by tax funds some 20ish years ago now, who in my experience at least would do precisely that and just schedule in the one dang session and get that shit done.
On the other hand my experience is anecdotal, far from empirical and objective, and I may be being completely unfair to the unjustly maligned dental profession.
Probably not though.
It's not even necessarily the expense. I have good dental coverage, but my teeth are so bad I was embarrassed to go. I had an abscess (again) last week. I couldn't take it any more. I got antibiotics and found a dentist. I had 2 broken molars removed Tuesday. It only cost me $120 out of pocket. Get over your insecurities and do it if you can.
I'm hopefully going in 2019 to get mine fixed. I got less depressed and now wanna pursue a dream job and I know my teeth are holding me back. I'm going to pay extra and be sedated for the procedure because I'm still really embarrassed; I don't want to hear the dentist make remarks about my teeth. I know their bad dude. I didn't see a dentist for ten years and didn't leave my house for 5. Leave me alone. So just put me under, do the work, and let me go home Lucy in the sky. I have a bit more medical debt to pay off first but I'm hoping for teeth in 2019.
As somebody who has struggled with MDD since I was 10 years old and also trying to become a dentist, I wholeheartedly agree. When you’re at rock bottom, taking care of yourself feels impossible. I empathize with those people and I hope to help them when I graduate.
I have been neglecting my teeth for years, ive been suffering with depression for as long as i can remember. My parents didnt even bother to get me into a good hygiene routine when i was a child either. Despite now regularly brushimg the damage has been done.
Im now almost 30 and have no molars my premolars are mostly fillings and my canines are crowns my insisors are mostly crowns and fillings too. A couple of days ago my two front insisors broke (one in half and the other completely) its going to take weeks to fix and i dont want to go anywhere but i still have to go to work and be seen.
Ive never done drugs but with the state of my teeth people assume i do. I struggle to chew on anything so regularly choke on large bits of food if im not careful and rush what i eat.
Ive said so many times to my dentists id rather just have the rest of my teeth out and have complete false dentures but they always insist im too young and they can save whats left of my teeth.
So yeah look after your teeth. It will save so much hassle in the long run.
This. If tell myself :When it seems like all the cleaning and flossing isn't doing anything because you still end up with cavities, don't stop. What your doing is the difference between cavities and your teeth falling out of your head. Your teeth suck, if you want to keep them you have to work 3x as hard as anyone else, but that's really not that much effort is it?
I just went for my xrays today and the first extractions on Monday on my way to dentures and I'm so glad I'm finally getting it done.
The depression never totally stops, but you learn to work through it. Just take a moment, take a breath, and keep moving forward in life. Otherwise, you'll sit at this terrible dead end job that makes you miserable for 10 or so years of your life. Just keep moving and don't ever give up. Giving up is the worst, because it allows you to make excuses.
I do a little mental exercise to make myself feel loads better. I committed suicide on December 31st, 2015. I didn't, but I like to think I did, because I came extremely close to it and backed down at the last second. So everything that's happened since then doesn't matter, because I would have been dead for it. So every experience now, good or bad, is something I would have thrown away and never gotten close to. It gives me freedom, it slaps my anxiety right in the mouth, and it gives me confidence to do whatever because I should be dead right now. Since then I've gotten a new job, a cat, a girlfriend and a half (currently single), I've improved my living conditions immensely, and I've met tons of people who have made me smile.
This is my version of "giving up," and it's changed everything.
This is some good advice. I was in the same boat when I was 18 but got this feeling that my parents and siblings would blame themselves. So I promised to kill myself when I turn 30 because at that time, my life will be so independent that my suicide can be excused on my work, my living conditions, my friends/contacts and not excused on my family which have always been so good to me. I'm 27 now and I'm feeling pretty happy but that promise I made to my depression and anxiety keep reminding me that it's only three years left and that scares me. I don't want to commit suicide but it feels like my depression will kill me, like murder me. I like this advice though and will try to use it! I could already be dead so why not find more enjoyment each day
Your body is always yours to control. Please see a counselor about this.
It doesn't get "better". It just gets "easier".
Dont start smoking cigarettes
If I could go back in time this is the only thing I would change.
Same. Picked it up in college to help cope with stress.
Younger me is an idiot.
I was in the same situation.
If you need tips and support, we're happy to help over at /r/stopsmoking (we've all been there, we know it sucks).
You got this!
EDIT: Also: don't blame yourself. Humans make mistakes, that's part of the learning process. The blame rests squarely on the predatory companies manufacturing highly addictive products taking advantage of human weakness, turning a temporary mistake into a permanent one.
Younger you was not an idiot. Younger you was tricked by professional tricksters.
EDIT for the angry crowd: yes, it's your fault for trying. It's a mistake. Making mistakes is normal. Manufacturing an artifical mistake for people to make, that is designed for them not to be able to get out of (chemically) is what is to blame. It's a trap, laid deliberately, waiting for people to make mistakes. Not everybody is rational. Not everybody is self-confident. Some people will make mistakes on purpose because they are depressed. That's ok. What's not ok is that we tolerate for predators to take advantage of that at industrial scale. I'll go read something more joyful than your angry DMs now :)
EDIT2: wow, my first gold! Thanks! It does feel special. I'll use my special moment here to say: please consider donating to the Ronald McDonald Foundation too (having family members nearby when staying at the hospital as a child is life-changing). Much love to all.
Thanks for sharing. Followed and downloaded the smoke free app. Going to start today. Wish me luck!
EDIT: Officially a week in and feeling great. I really appreciate the kind words and advice from people. I've been quitting cold turkey and so far so good!!
You got this. Don’t let a slip-up cause you to throw in the towel. It’s a process.
You don't need luck! You got this!!
But good luck anyway
Hey I'll do it with you. My whole family and gf think I quit but I go out for smoke like, now at 4:52am 😂 Sick of hiding it
I used to hide it from my gf, I'd have one on the way to and from work. I had wipes and spray to try and get rid of the smell... Apparently she knew all along.
My momma did the same (quit and then comeback but hide from us) it took us 2 days to know, it took 1.5 months for her to understand that we knew.
Nobody cares if you smoke, you're not a kid anymore. But it's harder to quit if you're smoking hidden than with other people...
Best of luck! We're all rooting for you!
Best of luck brother, rooting for u
Appreciate this. Thank you!
I picked them up because my girlfriend had so many charming conversations while smoking and I was very territorial at the time. She as a bitch. I’m a bigger idiot.
Hardest part with quitting is not having the extra conversation time with my wife. We would step outside to smoke and discuss everything that was going on in our lives, just us... It isn't the same talking in the living room.
It's such a historically good way to share a moment when you smoke tho, like, a minute at a bar with a stranger, making a friend at your new job, meeting a girl because you both needed some air. Books and movies share it too, I grew up with Tolkien and the image of Gandalf sharing a smoke with Bilbo was so poetic. Then finding myself smoking a pipe with old friends and going back to all those books and stories from childhood.
Smoking is the worst for your health and we should stop, but maybe all those people, the writers, the poets weren't that wrong, smoking is an incredibly good way to pass time and enjoy life for a minute.
I wish i could quit tho.
I've compared it to meditation. You step away from whatever it is and simply just breathe. Although it's not good air it always seems very therapeutic. I miss the weekend nights of stepping into the garage when people are over to share a moment.
I've said this before and I'll say it again.
Nicotine is not a drug you want to be addicted to. It's parasitic as fuck. It's does nothing for you. You barely get anything from it, and if you don't have it once you're addicted, your body goes into this weird panic mode and you become more and more agitated and all you can think about is a cigarette.
I quit cold turkey earlier this year and the first 3 days SUCKED. I genuinely felt like I was about to explode at all times. It got easier after that but an addict is an addict and I relapsed two months later.
I've been mentally prepping myself ever since to do it again. I should have been free from it and yet it still roped me back in somehow.
It's a colossal waste of money, time and health, be prepared to feel like shit every day waking up, gasping for a smoke. Be prepared for long car rides where you can't have a smoke and you feel like shit the whole time. Be prepared for sitting through a meeting at work, feeling stressed, needing a cigarette but not being able to excuse yourself for one.
Don't put yourself in that cage. It's so fucking hard to climb out.
Edit: a lot of people have commented giving advice on how to quit. Thank you for your tips. The truth is I've tried to quit a lot of times, I've heard it all before. The most success I've ever had is cold turkey and so when I do finally decide that I'm going to quit again I'll probably cold turkey it again. Also RIP my inbox.
It’s amazing the amount of anxiety you feel about cigarettes but you don’t realize it until you quit. Half if my daily anxiety disappeared after I quit because I wasn’t stressed out about my next cigarette!
I just started getting into them due to the popularity of them in the country I’m studying in. Thank you for this advice, I need to make adjustments before it’s too late.
This is exactly what happened to me. If you're just starting to get into them you should stop now. I always thought I wasn't addicted and quitting would be easy until I actually tried to.
Were you buying your own cigarettes? I’ve been rationalizing my smoking with ‘if I don’t own any cigarettes, I’ll only be smoking them socially’
No, didn't buy my own for a while. I used to tell myself the same thing haha
I did the same thing, stay away from menthols if you can, they are more addictive, stop while you are still casual!
I started at 13 and smoked 1-2 pack a day for 12 years, have just gone 2 months without a cigarette.
The worst part about smoking is waking up in the morning with the worst cough and spitting out dark brown thick mucus.
As a 18/19 year old I took up smoking because my ex smoked and I missed the smell. I quit just over a year later but I don’t consider myself lucky. I’m 21 now and have a lifelong disease caused by smoking that affects my self esteem and sex life as well as just my daily life. Please quit smoking, you have no idea how quickly it can fuck up your life
I’m glad to hear you managed to quit. What disease did it cause, if you mind me asking.
Thank you! The disease is nicknamed Acne Inversa
Hidradenitis suppurativa, or acne inversa, is a condition that causes deep, painful boils or pockets of infection (abscesses) in your skin. It affects about 1 in 100 people
Basially super acne with extra pain. Can be triggered by smoking. TIL.
oh god, super acne. fuck that gl dude
Super acne doesn't cover it. Sometimes it's more like big sores that never heal. And in less than desirable places, let's say.
As a fellow sufferer (and scientist) who keeps up with the literature, there is not good data regarding smoking or not smoking and HS lately. HS is a genetic condition resulting in mutated follicular subunits; these mutations can lead to abcess formation and inappropriate inflammatory response or secondary infection (HS is considered an autoinflammatory disease). While smoking is a trigger for flare ups for some anecdotally (and I believe it to be a big enough deal to try and quit) it is not a trigger for everyone, and unless you've identified smoking as YOUR trigger, there is not a lot of evidence that quitting smoking will lessen your flare ups. Other implicated triggers: nightshades and dairy, hormones (many women are treated with birth control), stress, obesity, etc. Don't beat yourself up becuase you got it right around when you started smoking--you were just likely at an age where you were about to show symptoms, it just so happens your first found trigger was smoking (but you may also have more). Which flareups are most common and whether or not your HS comes with odds of developing cancer is largely sex/hormonally dependent. Many people have flare ups with no know triggers. Had you eaten a high cheese diet and developed the condition you likely wouldn't be telling yourself, "DAMMIT. IF ONLY I HADNT EATEN DAIRY! CURSE YOU, FOUL DELICIOUS CHEESE!" It's not your fault and you didn't cause this. Please don't saddle yourself with all of the blame!
Personally, my first flareup happened right around beginning a job involving manual labor. The sweat and friction combined with getting my period is what seems to set my body off. Also shaving seems to make it worse once the hair regrows. (I'm saving up for permanent hair removal--which also doesn't have great data surrounding it but boy if I don't feel like I'm in a desperate enough place to try! I'm sure you can relate). I hope you find management in your condition and that your pain isn't too great.
Come on over to r/hidradenitis ! :)
When I get stressed I smoke like a truck. It annoys me now I got into the habit because I just didn't care at the time but 2-3 years later I actually kinda care about my health
I feel guilty. I was diagnosed PTSD and depression at 8, felt pretty edgy at 13 cutting myself and such, then suddenly at 15 I'd done damn near every street drug available.
By 17 I was addicted to meth and had attempted suicide twice and by the time I turned 19 I was selling ice full-time. had lost all contact with my family and most of my friends - the life i hated so much due to not wanting to live turned into something genuinely dangerous and idiotic, my choices made my life infinitely worse than it ever was before.
I'm just about 20 now, have been clean from all drugs for just shy of six months, rekindling my relationship with my family and working full-time.
But the things I did still haunt me and the cravings for ice are so strong every day that i fear what Ive done has cemented itself into my personality.
I'm doing good, really really good and it was a hard road getting here. But I never feel good, I can't feel anything except guilt and regret and the L'Appel Du Vide from meth. I miss the opportunities I could've had had I just gotten over myself.
Here's to another twenty years.
I'm currently going out with a guy that used meth for years, he's been clean for three. He had the EXACT same thoughts as you that meth changed him as a person completely. It hasn't. he is one of the most kind caring people I know and it took a long, long time to get where he is, but he is doing so well you wouldn't believe it.
Keep going. You'll have up days and down days, but the trend is that life is getting better.
This gives me hope, thanks a lot.
A nice bonus, you quit while you were still very young (you still are very young), so you still have loads of potential. You got over one of the most addictive things on the planet, I'd argue that if you can do that then the ceiling for how much you can do is pretty damn high. And although it means little coming from a random internet stranger, I believe in you, and you're doing a great job.
That is not the type of turn around that many live to tell. Giving you thoughts of courage.
And you’re pretty young to have come to this realization, most people talk about these turn arounds much later in life. Be glad you are where you’re at.
Listen man I just got arrested at 28 on a class x felony 6/30 years. First arrest they are offering ten years for cocaine. I'm telling you working at McDonald's sounds amazing right now. Life is beautiful.
Those drug use feelings will never go away you have a automatic key to happiness.....but remember before you turn that key, it's all gonna end very fast that happiness only last every hit. Then by the time you know it you're wearing the same clothes 6 months later trying to figure out how to fuck anyone over you know because the voices.
I wish I was smart enough to turn my shit at your age ..... Keep your head straight change your ways. Even if it means tying your shoe different. I know this seems like a ramble but what you said resonated with me. 20 years you've seen enough make good choices ,because the end of the day that is what true happiness is.
Just remember your heart is good, it's kind of you to send OP good thoughts, will be sending you some in return. Hang in there.
I just want say that I don’t know you, but I am (and probably most of reddit are) proud of what you’ve accomplished. I’m just over two years older than you, but for the rest of my life, I’ll probably never do anything as difficult as what you’ve done in the last 6ish months. Keep going, don’t stop. PM me if you ever need someone, or hit me up if you’re ever in Nashville
Hey, thanks man. I'm Australian but I'll definitely drop in and show you an Aussie drink up if I'm ever in town! Cheers mate
Aussie here too. You have pretty much told my story. My use culminated in 3 yrs locked up. In fact the day i was arrested was actually the happiest day if my life as insane as that sounds.
Clean for 9 years now. Even after all these years i still have a Mr Jekyl inside that sometimes demands satisfaction. I pride myself on my strength and yet my lack of it terrifies me at the same time.
I have had some close calls and even the mention of it in an innocous conversation can lead to days of inner mental turmoil. My wife thinks i have a split personality, i have tried to explain but she doesnt understand.
Thanks for sharing 👍
Edit: Fail at formatting
The cravings will eventually pass. The effects of methamphetamine take about a year to leave your brain entirely (source: took physiology and pharmacology class taught by a former Stanford professor). Of course addiction is behavioral also, and getting as much support in recovery as possible will only improve your chances.
You’ve got this.
It’s always going to be a part of you for sure but not in the way that you think. “I better go use because that’s just who I am” slowly turns into “Usually, I’d handle this problem by using but if I’m using I can’t fix the problem. I better fix the problem that’s making me feel like I have to use.” My old life still lingers in the distance but it doesn’t haunt me so much as push me to be not that person. The only person you have to compete with was who you were yesterday.
We learn new ways to deal with things over time and we begin to value them over our old coping mechanisms. The coping mechanisms worked for as long as they could work but their time is over.
I have been depressed for a large part of my life. Still get random flashes of suicidal ideation. I’d tell myself to exercise more because that helps and to try drugs (recreational and medical, just to see how it feels to think differently) and let people in. Do things that make you happy/content and if there’s something bothering you confront it or get the heck out of the situation. Dying is always a choice, but not being dead is not. You’re going to die anyway so you might as well see what this life thing is about. It’s pretty fucking great once you know what you like about it.
Edit: qualified drug use. Lol
That last couple of sentences resonated with me
You're going to die anyway so you might as well see what this life thing is about.
That is my exact life philosophy, and the reason why I will never even consider suicide.
I’ve always tried to tell myself “let’s see how much worse it can get.” Whenever I’m feeling down.
You should read "The Myth of Sisyphus" if you haven't. It's basically Camus saying "The only important philosophical problem is 'why shouldn't I kill mysef?'" and the spending the rest of the book reasoning on exactly why you shouldn't.
I’m mostly doing better than I was when I was younger, but I’m not doing so great right now, and your comment actually made me feel a lot better and made me smile. So, thanks! You made the world a little bit brighter.
I do not have depression. But those were a beautiful last few sentences. God bless everyone here who is struggling hard at the moment. I know we’re all just tryna be happy deep down.
Survived an attempt at age 15. I would tell myself to wait for tomorrow. If tomorrow sucks, wait for the next day or the one after that. Even if there’s one great day ahead, that one day could make up for all the bad ones. Stop putting your faith in other people and instead believe in yourself, become your own best friend. You are stronger than you know.
Edit: Wow. Woke up to gold - thank you, kind stranger! This week is the 12th anniversary of my attempt and I've been doing a lot of self reflection lately. Life isn't perfect but, some days, it is pretty damn great. Thank you all for sharing your experiences. I hope you all have many great days ahead.
I've been "depressive" frequently on-and-off since my early teens (I'm not bipolar), and I'm not stranger to suicidal ideation. I never had an attempt, but I've seen this cycle often that I can clearly recognize it's a cycle.
I would tell myself to wait for tomorrow. If tomorrow sucks, wait for the next day or the one after that.
I eventually came to the idea that this pain is temporary. I know "it will get better" in the sense that I've seen it do so.
At the same time, I know it's going to get worse again. It's happened too often for me to think the cycle has finally broken. But that's not going to last forever either -- I just need to grit through it, and I'll make my way through it again.
For me the saving thought was a lyric from Adam's Song.
"Please tell mom this is not her fault"
I would always remind myself that nothing I was feeling now could possibly hurt worse than it would hurt my mother to find my body. I genuinely cannot imagine anything that would hurt me more than finding the body of my child who had killed themselves, and it would destroy me for years if not the rest of my life. That line played in a near constant loop in the back of my head every time I started thinking about doing something I could never take back.
This is exactly why I've never made an attempt. I'm lucky to have a super wonderful, kind, and understanding family and I couldn't do that to them. Me being here and miserable most of the rine is better than not being there at all.
At the same time, I know it's going to get worse again.
I struggle with this a lot too. It does get "better", but it's temporary. And for me, every time I relapse it's worse than before. I think the repetition of it and the fact that I know no one can or will help me (NHS mental healthcare is basically non-existent. 8 month waiting lists for actively suicidal people just add to struggle) really intensifies it. I've basically ruined and restarted my entire life 3 times and I'm only 29. How many more times can I really do that? It's exhausting.
So I understand why so many adults commit suicide, even with families etc. I don't know how many years I can keep doing this shit because eventually the relapses will be so bad that the good times just aren't worth it. It's like staying in abusive relationship because your partner is nice half the time.
It does get "better", but it's temporary.
How long do your "better" phases last? When I was deep in depression, I'd occasionally have a couple of days, maybe a week if I was lucky, where I actually had a bit of motivation, a bit of self-worth. Not much, but way better in comparison. Those never felt like they'd last, and they never did.
Now, it's been about 6 months, no sign of stopping, doesn't feel nearly as temporary. I just feel good.
I wish I could figure out exactly why and write it in the sky.
I wrote this above but I hope it helps you too:
I had a few methods that I learned worked for me.
Firstly, the rule of four. The idea is that sometimes just grounding yourself to surroundings can help when you feel yourself starting an episode.
In your immediate surroundings, find four things you can see. Three things you can touch. Two things you can hear. One thing you can smell.
Next, create a journal. At least once a day, write in it what happened and how it affected how you feel. Write more whenever something good or bad happens or when you feel yourself in a much better or worse mood. This may help you learn some of your triggers.
Finally, what worked the most for me, was identifying your "voices". I'm not talking about schizophrenic like voices, but the negative voice in your head. I learned that I more or less had two "voices" - one rational one that was honest when something good or bad happened and one that was always negative (my depression). Both of these are you, but they don't have to be equals. Once you've identified the voice telling you that you're worthless, nothing is good, etc., you can start telling it to shut up. It's not enough to ignore it - you need to learn to stop it. Remind it about what you are good at - maybe sports, friendships, games, a certain subject, hobbies, etc. Rub how good you are in it's face. Laugh at it when it tells you that you shouldn't be enjoying something.
Oh, couple more things, if you drink or do any drugs, try to cut back greatly. Start taking some vitamin D supplements and going to bed at a reasonable time each night. For me, this is around 9:30. This will help immensely.
Also, learn to say that you love yourself. You may not mean it immediately and there may be times when you believe it's an outright lie, but it'll help over time.
Oh I have such a hard time with this. I have so little insight when I' m depressed. When I'm well, I can clearly see the cycles of depression in my past. It's so obvious.
But when I'm depressed, it always takes me such a long time to even acknowledge that I am. It's often only once I start to feel better, that I realize it's not the norm to want to die every single day. To not have the energy to leave my bed. To feel so awful I can' t even be bothered to get up and get something to eat. It feels as if those feelings are natural, that everyone in my position would feel the same way. That it's my own fault I feel like that, for messing things up and being such a failure in general. At the same time, it always feels as if it has been like that for as long as I can remember, and I will always be like that.
Even the longest day are just only 24hours
Reminds me of a great quote.
What is the most important step any man can make?
The next one. Always the next one.
I don’t know. I never thought I’d get this far.
When I was a teen, I didn’t have plans for myself after 18. As in I couldn’t visualise anything. I would think that I’d have died by 20. I didn’t make any real plans for myself in the long term because I didn’t think I’d exist to carry them out.
Turned 25 this year.
I still can’t visualise past 30 now, but I’ll take my chances.
I was the exact same way. 37 now.
Was a real problem for me as I didn’t set myself up for anything later in life. Didn’t finish school, had to work crappy jobs, etc.
Exactly what happened to me. Having long term goals helps. Finding something to live for that isn't someone else also helps, something you cherish or that has meaning for you. 30 now and having a lot of shit to do to reverse the years of being idle.
Edit: To all those asking for a thing to live for, you really have to do some introspection and find what's important to you. There's (probably?) no way you don't care about anything. Is there really nothing that makes you boil, or excited, or feel anything ? Also, I'm not a mental health professional, I'm just saying what works for me. After a difficult break up and death in the family, stagnated for a few years. If you're really feeling helpless, you need to find strength somewhere, sometimes getting help from a professional is the way to go. There's even a petty part of me that just lives to spite "life" and its hardships. "Wow this situation sucks, let's see how can I resolve this problem and then laugh at how punny it was, fuck you life"
I learned a good thing to do while feeling down is try to remember what motivated you when you were younger, healthier or more motivated. Can you still follow a path to follow your childhood dreams? Can you find other things to do ? Sorry for the rambling, looks more like a brainstorming than properly structured advices
This is me right now. I really can't see myself going on past 25. But the one thing keeping me going is the goal of finally getting my own dog.
Getting a dog helped turn my life around. I was turning 30 and had really no hope. I always had dogs growing up and finally was moving somewhere where I could have a dog. He helped me get out and get fresh air by going for walks and hikes, it's amazing what fresh air nature and exercise can do for your state of mind. helped me meet new people and friends at dog parks, that's how I met a connection to get me out of my dead end job. Met girlfriends through having my dog. plus that unconditional love to come home to every day is amazing. 15 years later and I owe pretty much everything I currently have to my two best friends! miss both of them everyday. best of luck to you hope you have the same success i did.
That’s an awesome goal man, hope you achieve it!
Me too. I'm at the stage of my life where people wanna know my five- or ten-year plan for my career and my family. And I'm like, I outlived my expectations for ten years, can we not let a bitch breathe?
I'm 22. At 13 I couldn't visualise anything. That was the first time I really thought about ending it. 18 I couldn't visualise anything. At 21 I couldn't visualise anything. I currently can't visualise anything at 23, 24, 25. Life happens. You'll find your way. Don't miss it.
25-30 are crucial, I just passed that and its like a blessing over here. The last 6 months have been my best since probably ever, and if I describe my situation you would think I am crazy to think I got the hang of it. I have no college ed. almost no CV to apply for job, I don't have a house or SO, I have no debt no kids, but most importantly no fear no anxiety no depression.
How do you plan financially for your future self?
As someone in the same spot as them, I don't. I've always struggled with finances, and even now that I have a job that pays a fair wage, I'm about to hit my overdraft until my next payday.
But that's okay, it's something I'm working on and trying to get better at.
I'm in that same boat and making an effort. But it gets especially difficult when low points result in more take away than meal planning because who can be bothered to self care when your mood is so wretched?
I feel this. 33 years old, alcoholic, still in the job I started when I was 18 to kill time before I found a career.
We had a talk at work about pensions the other day and it fucked me up, because I never planned on living this long, never mind to 70+.
Hey if you need help with anything, let me know. I'm in the tech industry and I mentor people with their careers, but I've been an addict my whole life and I know how difficult it is.
I extend this offer to anyone who feels that they want a career change and don't know where to start. That includes you.
Let's talk. I'm willing to help. We can get through this together.
Edit: Guys i got a number of PMs and I have some r/outside stuff now that I need to tend to, but I promise I will reply to all of you. Yes, all of you. Keep them coming. We can do this!
Also 33m, also an alcoholic, also though I'd be dead by now. Just have to get on with it. Looks like we might be here for a little while.
It feels pretty great, honestly. Life hasn't gone the direction I thought it would, even taking into account that I once tried to end my life. But I've ended up in a good place.
I'd tell the young me not to do anything differently. To become who I am and still continue to become, I had to be her first.
edit: Obligatory thanks for the gold!
edit 2: Since there's some confusion from a few, I did not mean that having depression is a good thing. I encourage anyone with suicidal thoughts/plans or dealing with depression, anxiety, bipolar, etc to seek treatment. That's one of the things I did on my path to being me. What I meant by this quick post was that I've had to learn to be at peace with my past and to accept that those experiences that weren't so wonderful, and indeed sucked horribly, are a part of me. Denying that is something I used to do, but it wasn't fair to myself.
I have had severe depression for the past 5 years and just got off suicide watch, and this is one of the most helpful things I have ever read. This gives me hope that one day I can become someone good enough to love myself.
EDIT: reddit is full of kind people
I want to say something inspirational, but it always feels cheesy if I don’t explain from my own experience.
I just have to say that on my journey from my severely depressed state to my optimistic self now, I learned firsthand that everyone is worthy of love. I spent so long thinking I needed to remove the parts of me unworthy of love, and replace them with worthy parts. That is bullshit, it’s all subjective. I learned to laugh at my mistakes, and feel compassion for my perceived faults, and while I’m still making progress in terms of loving myself, each day I notice more how there is absolutely nothing wrong with me, or with anyone. Sure, we can spend hours discussing what society expects of us, or what we expect of ourselves, but behind that overlay, we are exactly as we should be. We are all equally worthy of love and acceptance, no matter our state. Your life is wonderful and unique, and your unique struggle will allow you to connect with others struggling, and even to help them.
To become who I am and still continue to become, I had to be her first.
This. I can relate to this so much.
I'm seeing all these posts about going back to change things, and while my depression was hell I don't know if I could. Without going through that phase, I don't know who I would be. I probably wouldn't have grown as much as I did during that time and some time after.
I think I'd tell young me that things are going to get bad. And I'm going to want to give up. But it's going to be okay, eventually. Eventually, it's going to be worth it. Eventually, I'm going to be happy. So just hang on, even when you feel like it's impossible.
I know you won't believe me, and you don't have to. Just know someone told you today it's going to be okay.
This so much.
I was in foster care, sexually and physically abused and was homeless for a long period of time. I've gotten asked, you know, would you do anything different? Are you resentful? And I just tell them, I am who I am because of the experiences I've had. I am happy with me,my wife and kids are happy with who I am. I'm not perfect, but I'm not done growing yet.
I have a chronic illness. There's no cure, I just have to deal with it. As you might imagine, people in my situation spend a decent amount of time on "what ifs" when it comes to our conditions.
Learning the "gotta be that person to become this person" has been very, very important to me. I would not go back in time to cure myself unless I could also cure everyone else. Because I like me. And I had to go through what I've gone through to become me.
I chose a lot of wrong decision especially in my university. I'm about 1 semester to graduate and I'm so scared about my future carrer because I barely understand anything in university (mostly because of language problem). Is everything will eventually be ok? Should I just keep continue what I'm doing right now and keep positive thinking? It's very hard to believe it tho
Couple things. One, you're awesome for pursuing your education despite language barriers. But as for your question, you've got to do what's right for you, whatever you figure that out to be. What I said is more about accepting and growing from my mistakes. They're my past, so they're part of who I am, but the things you're talking about are your future. Maybe ask yourself what would make you happy. Ask yourself if the doubt you're feeling is because you really think you're on the wrong path, or if it's because you just think you aren't as good as you really are.
Hey, I’m also one semester away from graduation. :)
I understand that it’s hard to believe it. I was there. I didn’t believe it either. And I wish someone took a moment to just validate that it was okay to not believe that it was going to be okay. Change and recovery come at their own pace. Our minds are powerful. They can completely control the direction of our thinking. It’s okay to be at a point where you don’t know.
You seem to have done a lot of self reflection, and that’s great.
I would first let yourself feel what you need to feel. Try to think about why you’re feeling the way you’re feeling if you can. If you can’t, that’s okay. Emotions are so complex. It can be so hard to identify where our heads are at.
Start slow with positive thinking. Start with one thing. It can be anything. It can be the smallest, most ridiculous thing. It just has to be one thing.
Oh wow okay. This made me cry. My wife still struggles with depression, and shared with me once how there are periods where she wakes up every day with suicidal thoughts. Thank you for sharing that - I'm going to continue to strive to make her life better, and have her in her Good Place.
Sounds like she's a lucky lady to have someone so devoted and supportive!
“I'd tell the young me not to do anything differently. To become who I am and still continue to become, I had to be her first”.
That’s a really powerful way to come to terms with one’s past in a very positive manner. I haven’t ever thought of my past failures and missteps in that sort of light
"I had to be her first." What a beautiful summation.
College is better than high school. And don't worry about not achieving milestones "in time". Who cares if you don't have your first kiss until you're 21? Stop putting so much pressure on yourself in life and in school. Take it easy, kiddo.
College is miserable for me, I literally have no friends :( I feel lost to be honest
All of high school I was told college would be better. nope, exact same, except now you actually need to put in some effort and it costs lots of money.
In high school, everyone knows you, so it’s hard to ever decide to have a fresh start, socially. If you go to a large college, you can choose to get a fresh start at any point, and there’s really no preconceived notions anyone has that you need to get over. There’s just so many people there that you can blend into the crowd and find a new group of friends at any point. That’s easier said than done, but there are fewer hurdles than high school, because the pool is just that much larger.
Even if you end college without feeling like you have any good friends, your social life can be remade at any point. Any day you decide you’re going to meet people and be a new person, it’s within your power to do so. You can even up and move cities at any point for a true fresh start.
There are people out there like you that you can get along well with, it just takes effort to find them. Look for local clubs that focus on hobbies. Go to a meeting even if you know nothing about the hobby. Be honest about being so new, and you’ll find how passionate people are about teaching you. As someone interested in a subject, nothing is more excited than someone new wanting to learn from the beginning.
If you can’t think of any hobbies you could see yourself taking a stab at, take up Pokémon Go on your phone. Search around Reddit to find the Discord group for your local area and show up at raids. At any Pokémon go raid, there’s people who don’t know each other. Introduce yourself and ask if there’s any local get togethers. There’s plenty of “socially awkward” people playing Pokémon Go in any major city who will welcome you with open arms.
I feel you man, in high school you hear all about this partying and getting laid.... yeah no. No friends, no girlfriend and no life. And my depression isn’t getting any better. But to be fair after getting roommates with the same hobby it was a bit better.
Roommates (that I liked) did incredible things for my health. I was able to quit smoking and cut back on my drinking significantly. Really helped my depression.
Who cares if you don't have your first kiss until you're 21?
How about 27? And it was a stage kiss and doesn't really count?
As to "milestones", it's a lot easier to say that before your mid-30s.
Eh who cares, I'm 32 and still a virgin and really don't care what anyone thinks about that, and know I will probably die a virgin because both emotional and physical intimacy is difficult for me. I'm not worried about it because I'm fulfilled in other areas and definitely don't see it as such a big deal as the media and people in general like to make it out to be.
We all value different things at different levels, don't allow others version of that to taint your own happiness, or timeline of events.
Better to do it right or not at all, than do it for the sake of pressure or because 'times running out'. IMHO.
At the same time I feel like I'm only just starting to get a handle on a lot of stuff I probably should have figured out in my teens and 20's. It's honestly never too late.
Who the fuck cares if it takes you longer to get there, it's not a race. We all have to do whatever we need to get to certain places and have to be ready to deal with whatever issues made us unable to get there beforehand. It's easier for some, it's a lot harder for others, and some don't ever even get there. Again, stop comparing and judging others or yourself. The pressure people put on themselves and others is so stupid.
Words of wisdom.
I've more or less made peace with dying a virgin for various reasons as well but beyond pressure to meet milestones, reality is a lot of people think that it reflects on your character. If a guy hasn't ever gotten laid he must be a loser/creep, a girl must be unstable (thibk crazy cat lady). That is going to impact your life beyond the realm of romance unless you're secretive about it.
What arguably ticks me off the most though is useless, uncalled for advice like "just relax, it will happen eventually" and how ubiquitous it is. Society just completely ignores this part of reality, the possibility of dying alone isn't even acknowledged - probably because they deem it too depressing. That sense of isolation cuts much deeper than the virginity itself.
You're right. Thinking about milestones is different in your mid-30s as opposed to you late teens/early 20s. Maybe your life hasn't gone the way you wanted it to up to this point, and it's okay to admit that. I won't bullshit you and say there's some way to make up for time you feel like you've lost, because honestly that would be dismissive of your struggles. However, just because you can't get that time back doesn't mean you can't make the rest of the time you have count. As corny as that statement may be, I really believe it's true. You're never too old to have hope. You can feel free to DM me if you ever need to talk. I hope you're doing okay.
Jesus, this question hit me hard.
I made multiple attempts on my life aged 14-17ish and was involuntarily in an adolescent psychiatric hospital for a while. While in there I became super close with another guy in a similar situation. We were discharged around the same time and he killed himself a couple of weeks after.
I’m 26yo now and doing mostly fine. It’s weird. I don’t ever talk about it with my family (whenever I’ve tried they just clearly don’t know what to say). I’m not in contact with any of the people I knew back then (I moved to a different country) and nobody I’m friends with now knows. I pretty much live a normal life... but there’s this dark, somewhat repressed, past.
In some ways, it’s can be liberating. Whenever I’m not sure what I should do, I can tell myself “look, you didn’t ever expect to make it this far, so even if everything goes to shit, you’re gonna be doing better than you ever thought” (that’s where I got the confidence to move to a different country).
But in other ways, it’s still very hard. Though I'm mostly doing fine now, certain things will remind me of that place, or of my friend who killed himself, or of the horrible things that I saw/heard/did when I was in hospital... and I have nobody to talk to about that. Nobody can understand what that's like unless they've been through it. And maybe a part of me still has that attitude of not looking too far ahead - I sure as hell don't seem to be settling down to a normal life.
As for advice: I'd like to say something like I wouldn't say anything because it's all part of my path and whatever, but that's bullshit.
Advice part 1: Don't let James die.
Advice part 2: Stop trying to get other people (or worse, expecting people) to understand what you're going through, especially your parents. They can't and never will. Likewise: other teenagers are not as good for mental health support as you think and they'll lose interest when their own lives start having things go on.
Advice part 3: Take your fucking meds.
Advice part 4: There is no magic solution anyone can give you other than do that and wait it out. Good luck.
Honestly, the only reason I’m here is because I don’t have the balls to kill myself. I feel like a failure, for many reasons but this is one of them.
What’s it like? Not to be a downer, but it’s the exact same except now I have responsibilities.... so I guess it’s actually worse. What would I tell myself? Stop being so responsible- it’s keeping you from living your life.
Pretty much what everyone else has said. The depression never fully goes away. For me it has been kind of like getting the flu, everything is just great for a record amount of time and then something suddenly sets it off and I go down fast. But as an adult you have a lot more freedoms in your life and tools to deal with depression I didn’t have as a kid. I think the main thing is that as a husband and father I am able to deal with things in my own way and recover in a healthier matter. When I was a kid in my parents house there was an expectation that I HAD to be fine all the time- Depression was a problem that needed solving. Today depression is just another obstacle that I have learned how to deal with in my own way and in my own time.
I'd say "Shit ain't gettin' better kid. Fair warning."
Welcome to your new normal.
Sometimes it feels surreal. I was so convinced I would be dead and gone by the time I was sixteen... I'm 26 now. Admittedly I haven't done a lot I have wanted to, and my "growth" was severely stunted, but I know I have come a long way from the depressed and frightened teenager I once was. I still have a lot of recovery to do, however. It's a process. Being aware is helpful, being proactive can be difficult, but it's how you continue to keep going on, I guess.
Not sure what I would tell my younger self. Mostly because I doubt she would listen. I was that stereotypical "I know everything already" teenager, and most definitely "knew better" than any adult. I was going to commit suicide, I hated my parents, and that was really it. Bullying at school, abuse at home... Past me trusted nobody, with or without reason. Why would she listen to me about how life will get better with time and some hard decisions?
I like to think though that she'd be fine without my advice, though. I rather like where I am now. Stable apartment, stable meds, no more toxic family, got my highschool diploma, and a wonderful girlfriend. Damaged I might be, but I'm still happy. It's just every once and awhile I look around and think, "Man... I am still here." It's difficult to describe the emotions beyond surreal and somewhat painful. But I would never change it for the world. What I went through to get here made me who I am. Every good, and bad, thing.
Surviving and living are two different things. Keeping your head above water is different than swimming to shore. Just surviving isn’t enough. Living is. So live.
Edit: I am aware this isn’t life advice applicable to everyone’s circumstances, it’s what I would’ve told my younger self as the question initially posed. For context, I was stuck in survival mode and for good reason, for that time.
I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin. I became painfully aware of the difference between the two. It’s not intended as a fix that undermines mental health struggles, or a “snap out of it and just be happy” ism. Got love for you all.
I’m just barely surviving rn and i don’t have a single clue to how to start actually living
I hope this helps a little.
I've survived a couple suicide attempts, and didn't think I'd be here today. I lost a lot of friends when I needed them most. I didn't want to live in any capacity.
When I turned 18, I just did whatever I wanted pretty much. I found a job that didn't pay a lot, but it paid enough since I still lives with my parents. Even then, I dropped out of college twice.
I lost my car due to something outside my control, and I can honestly say I stopped caring for anything at that point, including myself. I nearly lost my job because of that mishap and found myself in a search for a car I didn't want, because that first car was all I had left that I cared about.
After months of fruitless searching, I gave my father all of my money and told him I didn't care anymore, that he could just buy whatever car and I'd be okay with it. I had planned on attempting suicide that night.
Not long after, my father called me and asked me to come back to talk to him. I did, and he had found a car that I fell in love with at first sight on Craigslist. Suddenly, everything felt like it was working out.
The person had posted the ad just after 10PM, and my father and I drove just over half an hour to go pick it up after calling to see if they were able to let us see it that night.
By 1 AM, I had a new car and my job was saved. I still quit that job shortly after, but I finally had something to care about again.
The car is a little ugly and beat up, but that's okay. It helped me to subsist on a shit job and allowed me to live more freely. I was able to hang out with the people who cared about me again, and out of nowhere, I no longer wanted to die. I just didn't want to feel the pain or depression anymore.
I've since quit that shit job, and have moved out of my parents house. Im barely scraping by, and have had to borrow money from time to time just to pay bills and get through the month. Sometimes I go hungry, but I'm surviving.
The thing is, you can live even while trying to survive. As dirt fucking poor as I am, I've never felt happier. I've never felt more alive than I do. Being forced to survive has taught me how to live. I enjoy so much more than I used to. I catch up with friends, and every interaction means a lot to me.
Even as antisocial as I've been throughout my life, I've been to parties and done some stupid shit just for the hell of it.
I guess the major takeaway from this is that, seemingly out of nowhere, you will have that idea of how to live while surviving. It may take awhile, but I promise one day it will hit you.
I'm 20 now. I never thought I'd make it this far, and I still don't really have any plans other than to survive. You'll get there someday, man.
If you get the chance, pm me. Ill send you a holiday card.
Hope you have a wonderful rest of your day, and an even better week.
Thank you so much. I’ll pm you when i get the chance.
Life is being thrown out of a boat without ever learning to swim.
Life is being thrown out of a boat, then trying to be something you aren't until you finally realize you were a fish to begin with and start swimming. We got it in us to be human because we're human, so don't ever deny yourself of any human things. The more of those things you out-right deny the worse you'll feel.
Examples: - Healthy food that actually positively adds to your body and tastes good - Going outside in the sun - Changing consciousness and developing with psychoactive plants - Talking to new people or seeing old friends (Socializing in any way) - Developing distinct interests and trying to perfect talents - Communicating openly - Learning - Crying - Etc.
There's a lot of them, just think about what it really means to be a human and stick to that, that's where all the happiness is hiding, it's not hiding in a huge pile of money.
I found someone who believed in me. I never thought I was good enough to go to university and my person supported me and made me change my entire outlook.
If you don't have someone supporting you, please, get so angry at life that you're bent at proving everyone wrong. You are capable.
What do you do if you had this but no real foresight in fucking up, them abandoning you, and you being left to essentially from scratch? No money, bad credit, failed post grad career? But you just know if you had the determination, knowledge, help etc now, you'd at least be a little better.
To seek out help years before I actually did. Good God I spent my teenage years in agony and I kick myself for not speaking up sooner.
For me personally, as I was the one who asked... I'm glad things got better. I'm glad I stuck around long enough to see them get to the point where I could wake up most days and feel like I was gonna get through them. I'm glad I failed when I tried... but that doesn't mean I'm not confused. Sometimes, I look at my life, I think about plans for the future, and I'm shocked that these are things I have to think about. Both good things and bad. I still struggle with depression, with dark thoughts... but I'm glad I'm at a place now where I can see those things as they pass through my mind and most of the time not let them take root. I never thought I'd have kids, or get married, or even care enough to try and do anything with whatever short time I thought I had left... I'm planning my wedding, I'm talking about having a house, kids, pets, a career... a life. It's overwhelming sometimes, but I'm really glad that I can say I made it here... not just for me, but for the people in my life who I know now needed me.
I hope things get better, or easier, or safer, or happier for you all. For some of you it takes a hell of a lot of strength sometimes to even just open your eyes or pick up your phone or get out of bed, but every one of you commenting did at least two of those things.
Even if right now you're not glad you're still here, that doesn't mean that someone else isn't glad you're here.
It's crazy. I read posts like this about people finding someone, growing in their career, buying a house, actually getting somewhere in life... and I just cannot fathom that happening to me. I just don't see it.
"It gets better" is all that I ever hear, and right now, as I look back to when people have said that to me, it's only gotten worse since then.
I literally cannot picture myself in a job. I literally cannot picture myself in a relationship. I try to think about the future and I see nothing.
I wouldn't even say I have depression as bad as other people do. I'm privileged enough to have family that loves me and an economic safety net to keep me afloat. I don't have suicidal ideation, just a pervasive crippling sort of apathy. My parents keep asking me about my "plans", but all I want to do is waste away.
Thanks for sharing your story. It is gratifying to know that some people manage to get out of the dark tunnel and into the light.
I feel this. The thing I always think of is “the time will pass anyway.” And ask a better question. Not “what are your future plans” but “what would be a good choice for me right now.” To go to the gym or not. To stay home and do nothing again or go outside for a bit even if it’s just to read. To hang out with that friend you keep putting off because you don’t want to feel like you’re wasting their time with you or cancel again and feel the relief of staying home alone. To feel bad about doing nothing or enjoying the downtime you have doing a hobby you enjoy. Live the life you want to live. The time will pass anyway. Make your life your own, whatever shape it takes. It’s easy to apathetically survive, living is a choice you make everyday. Change happens when you make it.
EDIT: Wow first gold, thank you friend! I have a tendency to lose the trees for the forest as it were, it’s so easy to get lost in the big picture and forget that today is all we ever have. Tomorrow will just be today when you get there.
I'm a kid going through depression right now, but I just wanna say for all of you who've made it past the crippling depression period and got to a better place, kudos to you all :) I hope to reach that place myself some day
It gets alot worse before it gets better
It's really fucking weird never thinking you'd make it past 35 and then looking back and being like, "man, I miss 35."
I'd tell my younger self not to give a damn so much about middle school and high school bullshit. Life only seems like it sucks because you have no experience and perspective to determine it's really kind of OK. And all that stuff you feel like you're missing out on, there's plenty of time to pack all that in to life, so just concentrate on being happy with who you are.
It doesn't get much better kid. Things will be different, but that feeling won't ever go away. Best advice I could give myself would be to put in like... 10% more effort. Don't keep giving up immediately. But then I'd be a hypocrite because... well, here we are.
I'm still depressed. I wouldn't talk to them because a conversation with me could push them over the edge. Or maybe I would for that reason.
You know when you have the flu and your nose is blocked? It's such a shitty thing and you realise you don't even notice breathing through your nose is so fucking amazing until you can't do it. That's happiness post depression. I'm not just 'not depressed' anymore, I'm FUCKING ECSTATIC because I have something (absolute zero) to compare it to.
TL:DR You don't know joy until you've crawled back from the edge of death.
It doesn't really get better, it mostly gets worse. But you get better at dealing with it and having money is kinda nice.
At 26 I've been thinking the same thought since I was like 15.
"Don't kill yourself yet."
Procrastination seems to work really well for me in this respect.
I have gotten to a really high level in runescape, I'm almost done with a BS in electrical engineering, and I've been to Niagara Falls where I saw the monument to Nikola Tesla.
I guess what it comes down to is, I'm trying to achive stuff despite the urge to die.
So what I'd tell my younger self is:
"Doon't kill yourself yet."
Nothing. My mistakes is what made me who i am.