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Caveat: the old man must be looking off into the distance. Can't stress this enough. If he is staring right at you while eating an apple with a knife, he is a serial rapist.
-- someone who's never making that mistake again.
And for the love of GOD, if he's peeling a banana with a knife, don't even give him the time of day
If he's pointing the knife at you, that's probably not a good sign either.
What if he's pointing the banana at me and licking the knife?
That seems safe.
Who can possible be held to account for how people approach violence? Not me, that's for sure.
Me. I’ll take blame. I’m ready for my punishment daddy.
Yes officer, this comment right here.
No! Officers! I’ve been catching people all month for you, sod off and find someone actually dangerous.
And stop sending all my porn history to New Zealand.
What if he`s peeling the banana with a knife while pointing the banana at me and licking me?
I do trust like that.
Grab the banana and run. He won't be able react quickly with a knife against his mouth
Wise, wise words. Thank you.
You're welcome. I speak from years and years of knife-to-the-tongue banana stealing experience.
I feel like I can learn a lot from you, I really do. If you were open to some sort of mentor-intern relationship, I could follow you around incessantly and just ask you question after question, not always related to bananas or knives.
Yeah well, OP likes to peel apples with a pocketknife and eat pieces right off the blade, while looking off in the distance; so it makes sense.
I call that Friday night
Okay, I think we need to hang out. I'll bring the banananas if you bring the knifes.
Also: what if the knife’s peeling me with the old man and licking the banana?
If at any point the knife is inside your body, you should consider not trusting that man anymore.
Unless he points it at you quickly when saying something with some apple on the blade and then eats the apple off, then you should listen to him
Though in that situation if they're just asking for time of the day you should probably give it.
If he’s peeling your skin off while staring off into the distance keep an eye on him
The real LPT is always in the comments
Hey dude don't be out here shit talkin' my main man Keith. He's only into consensual tickling. Hella misunderstood.
And for the love of god, if he is peeling a banana with a knife and then starts eating the knife you need to call an ambulance. He is actually not that bad a guy but has absolutely no self control.
Don't worry, I'm a singing hobo not a stabbing hobo.
"Nothing beats the hobo life
Stabbin' folks with my hobo knife"
Can you play something a little less unnerving?
Tell us your story
He was raped by an old man who just finished eating an apple.
Can't rape on an empty stomach
Reminds me of the bad guy from Dennis the Menace.
The only reason I ain’t movin on is because you stopped to give me the breeze.
There it is! That teeth chomp at the end is the icing on the creepy cake. Thanks for sharing!
Christopher mother fuckin Lloyd.
What the fucking shit!!!!??? That was Crhistopher Lloyd???? Fucking love him and only in the past few years ive been finding out he is in a bunch of movies
I envy your future movie watching experiences :)
god what a weirdly creepy movie, especially since it was Dennis the Menace. Haven't watched it in at least 20 years
Great Scott! I never knew that the dirtball from that movie was Christopher Lloyd.
You mean Doc Brown?
I was literally amazed when I discovered it was the same guy, it's been probably 20 years and I still remember that moment.
Whatcha eatin' there, sport?
My mom and I still say this to each other
Glad I'm not the only one.
Uhh app uhhlll
WHUCHYA EATIN THERE SPORT
Idk how this can be seen any other way. Does this exact scene happen on other movies?
My name is Mr Wilson and I’m here to say
I thought Dennis was the bad guy in Dennis the Menace.
My third grade teacher did exactly this with me in detention for fighting during recess. Sat there with his foot up on the edge of the trash can. Basically told me to unfuck myself before somebody else did it for me. My step dad had just been sent to Raiford for killing a guy with a sap in a bar fight and I was getting teased about it. Grew up in central Florida in the 60s.
Well damn, did you unfuck yourself?
If so... got any tips?
Avoid felonies. That shit is real. Have a healthy fear. Just nope the f out.
Just a heads up - boozin brings the stupid. Drinking and inexperience/testosterone? Stupid goes nuclear.
Were you carving an apple with a pocket knife and staring in the distance while saying that ? It sure felt like it. I'll take your advice.
I feel like he’s peeling and looking off until
just a heads up
He turns and looks at you and doesn’t focus on peeling for that part.
Then he goes back to it after “nuclear”.
Not a pause in the dramatic sense, just like, conversationally it works
Perhaps he even pointed at him with the knife
An earlier comment said that it’s a bad sign when the advisor points at you with a knife. Where’s the line between good and bad signs?
It depends on how relaxed he is. If he sits up and sets the apple down to point at you, whatever he’s saying is serious. If he stays relaxed, it’s fine. But if he stands up, one hand on the table, then you’ve angered him.
How many fingers he holds the knife with. 2 or 3 and you’re good. But if he goes 4 or a full fist you’re in danger.
I feel like he has a bitchin mustache
Yeah there’s plenty of simple things that should be misdemeanors but will land you with a felony. And that shit sticks. It can and will fuck you over hard.
Can’t get a job, apartment, vote or own a gun. God help you in Texas if it involves a woman or a kid.
Yep. I don’t think most people understand how easy it is to get slapped with a felony. And even if you aren’t convicted or found guilty, it just being on your record can cause basically as much damage.
Yeah for sure. Some little parking lot fight or road rage somebody gets bad hurt...gf drunk and hits you and you drunk, punch her. Game. Fucking. Over. Don’t even think of driving under the influence. You hurt somebody DUI and they will hang your ass. Not saying it’s unfair, just saying 15 seconds of bad decisions will end you.
Can confirm. Spent 11 months in a regional jail for Assault and Battery after I beat a man unconscious when I lost my temper. I was originally charged with Malicious Wounding, which would have fucked me a good deal more.
I've spent nearly 4 years locked up and that's time I can't get back and a part of my life that I can't talk about in real life without people looking at me differently.
What color was the apple?
Lol. Red. Used a Case pocket knife like my grandpa had. Pinched a chunk of apple with his thumb and ate right off the blade. Never forget it. Btw he used to spit redman in that same trash can during class. What made you ask?
Sounds like a good ol’ boy. The real question is, what was he doing in Florida? That’s pretty far south for a Virginian.
My bet is he ran from something. Like the law.
I think he was from W Va. He was my Sunday school teacher the next year. He used to make us hold out our hand so he could give us whacks with part of a picture frame. Had curves and and angles, 1/4” hardwood about a foot long. If you jerked your hand away and he missed, you’d get two more. Mr. McKelvy, a hillbilly Scot farmer.
West Virginia, East Virginia, s’all the same ta me. Them Blue Ridge Mountains’ll make a man outta you yet.
Them mountains will make a sister out of a cousin.
Haha, I was actually about to ask that. I doubt you’d know, but I’m going to guess Logan, Lincoln, or Boone county. These contain our densest population of good ole boys.
Everything north of Tampa is the south.
no method man tho?
bludgeon or club
I have never heard "sap" used in this context, interesting
A chunk of lead about 3” dia. ball inside of a double braided brown and white leather covering, tapered down to a foot long flexible hand grip with a loop to go around your wrist. That thing would smash whatever it hit. Dad worked construction and could drive 16 penny nails in one hit all day long. True story.
I've just gotta say I'm loving reading your comments.
Lol. Just shooting the shit. Thanks.
Based on your description, that thing is probably what David used to take down Goliath.
I used to play with it as a kid. I got jumped in Denver and spent a month in the hospital. To this day, I carry a steel bar that I wrapped with a grip and a thong in my car. Among other things.
I live in Texas now and have a CC, but I’m a contractor and travel all over the country. You wouldn’t believe how crazy people can be.
Thank you. I was curious about that.
I just told one of my 1st graders, a very angry child (life circumstances and terrible absent parents) that if he didnt stop the bullying of others and the aggression, hes going to be placed in a classroom he wont like with equally angry kids. Hes been trying but it's a thin wire hes walking before hes kicked out of the gen edu classroom and places in a behavior room.
Worst punishment for me was to have to sit outside the door in the hallway facing the wall knees touching. Door open so I still hear the lesson. For days I’d sit out there being made fun of. Seems odd to put him in an environment that would reinforce his behavior but what do I know. More like make him the class greeter every morning, shakes everyone’s hand and says good morning. Make him pass out all the papers and supplies. Make him socialize. Center of attention with a job to do. What do I know tho.
You know a good way to reintegrate an ostracized young man. Suprisingly, responsibility does breed good manners, due in part to being held to a high standard and wanting to mantain that new good reputation.
Pygmalion effect. I was that troubled kid. Bad home life - got beat up by everybody and the teachers too. The more I got beat the more I fought. It’s either that or get broken and thats a load that lasts forever. You can’t beat a kid into submission without messing them up. They have to choose the easier path on their own. Ahh I’m just blowing hot air now. Good luck with the little dude. Who knows? Maybe you’re making a good human and it’s his last chance.
What movie have I seen this from
Dennis the Menace, an old Shirley Temple movie, The Bodyguard
Spanking a child turns him into a little snot... Fear makes him a man.
You're a great American. This nation owes you a huge debt...NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP, AND LET ME DO MY JOB
Before that role, I never considered Tom Cruise could be funny. Only ever saw him as an over the top action star.
Ramsay Bolton, Game of Thrones?
Every hillbilly horror movie
I think Firefly instead of Serenity. Unless they do it in the movie too
Why they do it is discussed in Firefly, but I don't remember if happens in Serenity too.
Definitely Firefly, although they are basically the same thing tbf
Zoey has that whole monologue about how the apples were filled with grenades during the war and she eats apples like that to prevent her head from exploding like her comrades.
All of them
The old animated Johnny Appleseed?
For some reason I feel like I've seen this a million times but I can't pin the memory to any specific instance.
City Slickers 2: legend of Curly’s gold
Harrison Ford does it in Cowboys and Aliens
Listen here, young blood.......
That's not the guy peeling an apple. That's the guy who just joined the church and is trying to date your mom
Nobody wants to say it but hes black
Lol I don't think anyone was scared. It was just implicitly understood
Should be “slice” not “peel”. Some of the men in my family that camp and hunt do this. I trust their judgement more than most.
There's another reason to cut apples. Firefly episode 10.
My grandpa to a T! He could peel the entire apple without the peel breaking. I always thought that was so cool!
I read “peeling” as “peeing” like 5 time.
My Unranian coworker did this on 5-minute breaks, using the same knife he just stripped wire with.
You couldn't say no, he wouldn't have any of it. You're eating half an apple with him.
My granddad does this kind of stuff all the time, but he usually just tells me why Mexicans are what's wrong with the country. I try not to take his advice.
So here’s what your gonna do
So like Christopher Lloyd in the Dennis the Menace movie from the 1990’s? Because he also farts into a campfire in that movie and if that’s what I’m supposed to do then, okay I guess.
Who peels an apple?
When I was a kid I would eat apples this way because I thought it was so damn cool. So am I to understand I should keep doing it?
Like the guy in Dennis the menace