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You can't tire out a kid, you can only strengthen their endurance.
Faster, stronger, better, we are breeding super children!
THAT KID IS BACK ON THE ESCALATOR!
That's in my brain permanently every time I see a kid on an escalator. Jason Lee is amazing.
But what do you think the hulk's penis looks like?
RIP Stan 😭
For whatever reason this scene was the first thing to pop into my head when I heard the news......
Kid appears to be properly conditioned to fear and respect that escalator. I will allow it.
It's not a schooner, it's a sailboat!
There's not a year that goes by, not a year!
Oof right in the Stan Lee.
When i first saw this movie (and then became quasi-obsessed with it the way 13 year olds do) i didnt know who Stan Lee was. I figured it out from the movie, but i had never heard of or seen that guy before.
I remember thinking "he must be pretty famous if he only has one name."
Yeah, i thought his name was Stanley. And i thought he was famous like Madonna, but that he had a special way of saying his name... which makes more sense when you consider that at the time, a musician who had been famous since before i had been alive had changed his name to a symbol and i had no idea why everyone kept calling him "the artist formerly known as Prince"
I genuinely thought "Stanley" was mega-famous. Madonna famous.
Being a kid is downright bewildering.
This son of a bitch probably says “please” and ”thank you” too.
My daughter says this for everything. Has no idea what it means. Just that giving things warrants a thank you and wanting every God damn thing in the house requires a please.
Yeah whys that little shit gotta have manners >=-(
Dont worry, they start loosing them as they get older... lil twats.
Sir the prisoners have escaped.
I must have them! Loose the pleases!
I'm 23 and say thank you and please for nearly everything
I'm so sorry
"May I have <X> please"
I don't think I'm capable of saying "Can I have" because my grandmother would never, ever let me get away with saying that instead of "May I".
As for "Thank you" - I think I'd have a stroke if I tried to leave without saying it - or more likely my grandmother and my mother would come back from the grave to haunt me- but either way ...
(Not Canadian for the record but I do have a lot of Canadian friends)
"Can I get uhhhhhhhhhhhh X, please? Thanks."
"Thank you" every time they give me anything
Hey same here. I think there are dozens of us.
Even with my closest family and friends I say the same thing. I used to think manners were a basic human function. Well it's obviously not true when you get to see the world but it's now a function of mine and I have no plan of changing.
My son takes forever trick or treating b/c he expects a "you're welcome " after the "thank you ". It's great he's polite, but he will stand there at a closed door waiting for it...he's 6 now. Been doing this since he was 3.
Also, at his 6th birthday party this weekend, another mom said, "happy birthday! " to which he replied, "happy birthday to you to!" ;) he didn't understand why that wasn't correct & it was so cute!
pfft...my dad gave me cough syrup..
I still associate the taste of Dimetapp with summer vacation.
Years ago I was on a flight from BWI to Florida and the last hour of the flight the kid behind me screamed bloody murder. Growing up with ear issues I could tell that was the problem and he was in real pain. His parents tried everything to calm him down but nothing worked until we landed. I saw them in baggage claim and the Dad said to me as I walked past “If you want to punch him in the face, I’d totally understand.” I don’t have children but that sentence alone gave me a fraction of a glimpse of what parents must go through in those situations. I try to remember that every time I want to punch a five year old.
By the way I learned <this one weird trick> when I was on an old airplane in South America that couldn't maintain cabin pressure. You soak a napkin in hot water, put it at the bottom of a foam cup (make sure no drips) and then put it over your ear. The steam warms the air and causes the air to expand and it makes a small little pressure chamber for your ear.
And scares the hell out of your seatmate. Totally doing this on my flight home for Thanksgiving.
Put cups over both ears and yell, "IT'S EASIER TO HEAR THE VOICES IN MY HEAD THIS WAY!!!"
Do you only use it when it hurts or do you do it beforehand?
When it hurts for temporary relief. Once the napkin cools off the air temperature will drop and it'll stop working.
Someone invent this please. I will buy 100. Ps the pain is unbearable:(
I'm definitely much more sympathetic now that I'm a parent, even though it's still annoying af to hear a kid scream nonstop
And sometimes it can be hilarious. I work in DC and commute on the Metro daily. It was during the summer tourist season, crowded and hot af. A mom gets on with a young one in a stroller. The doors close and a few minutes pass before the little girl screams I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE!!!!! I died. And thought how much better my commute home would be if I could just randomly scream my discomforts.
If all kids actually screamed their thoughts/ immediate pressing concerns rather than inarticulate shrieking, it might be marginally better due to the comedic effect.
Source: my 2 year-old once screamed "I want bacon!" for over 30 minutes.
This would conflict me. On one hand I wouldn't want to give into demands, but on the other hand this would make me want a BLT or bacon omelet.
I guess the only solution would be to make bacon after the little one goes to sleep haha.
For some context, I had made a pound of bacon. All of it was eaten except a final half slice. I offered the slice to the kiddo 3 times, each time it was refused, so I ate it. She immediately melted down.
Turns out, she wanted to get it off the plate herself, so that's why she said no. She wasn't stating her lack of desire, just her disagreement in the delivery method. It took a solid forty minutes to figure this out.
I got dragged to Nike Town Seattle’s grand opening back in the mid-90s. This little Asian girl was having an absolute bitch fit screaming over and over again “I DONT EVEN WANT TO BE HERE ANYMORE!!!” That phrase lives on in our family to this day.
I love the lack of filter than children and special needs people have. It’s the best.
You need to gift your family with that gem on a T-shirt.
I would also get ear pain when I was little. Some of the worst pain you could imagine. Felt like someone was going to town on my eardrum with a hammer and chisel.
Every once in a while I get incredible ear/head pain while flying and it makes ME cry, I can only imagine what it's like for a little one who has no idea what's happening.
I appreciate your sympathy for the father. Our kids did awesome ... until the flight was delayed 3 hours and they woke up when we landed. Screamed the whole time- pure, unadulterated exhaustion.
We only got sympathetic looks though. They did everything perfect the whole trip ('cept maybe kicking a seat once or twice because, short legs and all). But that landing jolted them awake with the lights and that was it. All Hell.
And it was that pathetic cry that parents know (I'm sure). I swear most of them would have stopped and offered to carry them...
I'm 33 and I'm quite sure my dad would still say that to strangers about me, with me present. Again.
I was on a flight back home and on takeoff and for the first half hour a kid started wailing. Like you I knew that they were in pain so I said "poor baby is either sick or isn't used to this." It didn't stop the woman next to me muttering "if that were my kid I'd beat his ass". I was in the aisle seat. You bet I made it uncomfortable for her to get in or out.
My wife and I have two young daughters and we've been on several flights over the past couple years with no issues. There's a stupidly simple trick that will help you out. Make sure the night before the flight they have a big hearty meal. We like to do beef stew. Then, right before you leave for the airport, drop those cocksuckers off at grandma's for the week.
That was riveting from start to finish.
But it wasn't shittymorph
Undertaker threw Mankind in 1999 Hell in a Cell or something like that.
Ahh, Jumper Cables guy was always my favorite. All those horrified uninitiated commenters...
He was beat with jumper cables by his dad one time too many :(
You do you, man
No he does men.
How do they deside whose penis opens up to accept the other person's penis?
Don't assume that just because he is gay that he has sex with men. He could identify as gay, and have sex with women. He could be a gay transgender girl, which would mean I've been using the wrong pronoun and am therefore a horrible person.
It was shittymorphs Alt account where he just gives horrible parenting advice...
Lol calling your own kids cocksuckers
I thought this was going to end with slip them an ambien.
My wife brought our son to visit me when he was 2. I was working out of town for the year and I would come home every other weekend. We decided to fly them down to spend the week. Someone gave her some advice for flying with a toddler and in it they said to give him Benadryl and he would sleep the whole flight. Nope. Not our kid. Benadryl jacks him up like he is on speed. She still says it was one of her worst experiences ever. 4 hours on the plane...
BUMMER!!! Paradoxical reaction is especially prevalent in children when it comes to Benadryl.
I’ve used a very low dose melatonin for my kids when they were toddlers and I was flying alone with them. One is a super anxious flier and the other feeds off of his anxiety and it is a recipe for disaster when I’m out numbered.
Happy cake day!
That was a rookie move, she should have tested it at home a few days before the flight.
Yep. First kid. I think those were almost her exact words after the flight.
My husband has that reaction. Took him to the ER on one of our first dates.
Was he trying to sleep through the date?
I think I was in next row; it was no picnic for me either.
Slip them a... grambien. No, it's totally fine. I'll fuck right the fuck off
God dammit you need to write a book.
Never in my years would I have guessed that I would hear a grown man refer to his daughters as “those cocksuckers”
Have a seat, right over there...
Calling your kids cocksuckers. #1 parenting move of the year haha
I refer to mine as dingleberry #1 and #2
THE SIMPLE TRICK AIRLINES HATE FOR YOU TO KNOW.
Can confirm. Grandmas are a parent’s life saver.
We did this with my first kid when he was 1 and it didn't go so well. As a result we had to coach him out of co-sleeping all over again. Now he's 5 and we have had another one since then who is almost 3 and instead of dumping them on the grandparents so we can have a holiday we take separate holidays. I organise with my brother or my best mate to go away for a week or 2 and my wife does the same with her sister or one of her friends. It's awesome and I highly recommend it. There's something to be said for getting away from the kids for a week or 2 but if you add in getting away from your SO as well it's honestly the most relaxing and fun time ever.
I think if anything, it's actually made our relationship better. We got to a point where we had nothing to talk about except our kids or work. But with our separate holidays we get to discuss the planning and the opportunities leading up to the trip and then have heaps to talk about upon returning. It turned into a great way to spice up our relationship without having to go down the road of licking each others butt holes.
I mean personally I wouldn’t write off licking each other’s buttholes just yet...
Oh we didn't. It just wasn't something we felt we had to do to make life more interesting. Instead it's something we chose to do out of curiosity. After my trip to Japan my wife couldn't understand why I liked their toilets so much - heated bidets are the bomb and life changing. So the only way I could think of a the time to show her how nice it felt was to eat her ass. Now I realise I had heaps of other options like filling my Supersoaker with warm water
This gave me a big hearty laugh
My mom use to just dose us with benedryl before a vacation drive...
I give my kid benadryl for allergies sometimes. It hypes him up. Would not recommend trying it for the first time before traveling.
Diphenhydramine seems to reliably give half an hour of progressive drowsiness, 4 hours of sleep, then sudden wakefulness.
Which is why I don't use it when what I actually want is to force myself into 8-12 hours of sleep.
oh god I can't imagine getting that much sleep in a row
I've been listening to the wrong ballads
Oh my God this totally explains my "panic attacks" when I was dating that girl with two cats and a dog. I'm allergic and was irregularly taking antihistamines (only when I was at her place)
That relationship followed a difficult time in my life so I always attributes it to stress but this may have been a factor.
I have a paradoxical reaction to stimulants (caffeine, ephedrine, Adderall) and it fucking sucks, because I'm constantly tired and can't do shit to help it.
Your kid might have ADHD. When I asked my psychologist why they give me uppers if I have adhd they said that uppers make me calmer and more tired and vice versa for people with adhd. Which would explain why energy drinks knock me out within an hour or so.
He absolutely has adhd! I have it as well. I'm taking Ritalin, but we haven't pulled the trigger with stimulants for my son yet.
Maybe it just wasn’t enough to keep them quite for a long trip. instead make sure to given them enough so they cower in the corner from spiders
I’ve found it can go either way when I’ve had to give them benedryl. Either they get drowsy, or amped up, and you don’t know which it will be. No way I’d roll that dice for a plane or car trip.
Gravol works really well. Knocked my son out cold.
Problem is they will only be stronger before the next flight
Add a lead weight every time they step out of line. They will either be well behaved, or you'll be able to sell them to the Spartan II program.
Dude I want to kiss you right now with that reference
Yes! They'll be able to kick the seat back with so much more oomph!
I wish this would work for my oldest kid. Unfortunately he's inherited one of my worst traits of not wanting to miss out on anything and thinking sleep will cause that to happen. When he gets tired he tends to get restless and hyperactive like he's doing whatever he can to stay awake.
So fir us it's always better if gets onto a fly well rested because that's when he controls himself and listens the best.
when my kid was 3, he started running sprints in the hallway at 8pm to keep himself awake.
Jokes on him he probably fell asleep earlier/quicker because of it
Supposedly I was a very trouble free child when flying. My family used to live in Kuwait for a couple of years and my mom and I were frequently flying from Germany to Kuwait and back when I was only 2-3 years old. She said I fell asleep as soon as the plane took off and stayed that way until we landed. To this day I still love flying and can easily fall asleep on an airplane.
I only took one plane trip when young but this is exactly me. I love flying. I’m out as soon as or shortly after the plane takes off. On a recent flight I really wanted a mixed drink. I was in the last row and could hear the flight attendant prepping the cart for drink service, I knew what I wanted and was ready. Next thing I know we are landing. I was out within minutes and never got to order my drink lol
I have that trait. I'm 32 and I'm pretty sure my mom still resents me. I have 3 young children (3 y/o and 2 week old twins) and I'm hoping they all inherit my husband's ability to sleep in any situation.
Oof. I used to be like that, too. I'd stay awake until I wanted to claw my eyes out, because "sleeping is a waste of time" and if I slept too long, I'd be severly depressed the next day.
Still kind of have it.
As a father who has flown with a young child.... that's a desperate parent trying to feed their child to the escalator.
All I could think was 'yup, that kid will be tired, and cranky, and sore. Not sleepy though. Just grumpy'
Seriously. It's non-parents who think the dad here is doing something for THEIR benefit. Fuck you, I want that kid tired so MY flight goes easier.
Kudos to Dad, but I also know what it’s like to be on a long flight with an overtired child.
Yeah, I thought it was simple math. Tire out a kid and he will sleep but half the time it backfires and they won’t sleep and are extremely irritable. A well rested child sleeps best.
You're not always trying to tire them out for sleeping, sometimes it's just so they won't be so restless/fidgety.
Then you know that he is doing this for his own benefit. Flying with kids sucks.
"Walk, ya little bastard. Walk."
I’m gonna take a wild guess (no kids myself yet, one in the oven) but this kid just likes escalators. Do you really think walking at a slow pace up a flight of stairs is going to wind a toddler? Have you SEEN a toddler? They have more energy than the thing inside Tony Starcks chest, FFS...
I think you are right. I think I tired them out twice. And one of them was like three hour walk around the mall of America.
A little escalator time isn’t going to do it.
I grew up in married quarters. Each Christmas Eve one of the houses would get all the kids on the street. We had full on military circuit training, running on the beach etc to tire all the kids out. The other parents got quiet time.
They've actually had experiments where they had professional athletes try to do everything toddlers or preschoolers do. They even built scaled up furniture, so if the kid climbed on a chest - high couch, the athlete climbed a chest high couch. None of the athletes could keep up with the kids.
Kids who didn’t move back in the day got eaten by saber tooth tigers n shit. It’s evolutionary.
Escalators are the most dangerous transportation of people moving equipment there is. You should never let kids play on or around them. There are way to many pinch points for small feet and hands on escalators. Take it from me, someone who worked on elevators and escalators for more than 30 years don’t take chances with your kids lives playing on escalators.
Never thought I'd be the person to say "I can't believe I had to scroll down this far to see this comment", but here I am.
I'm not one of those "let me tell you how to parent" people but I've witnessed an escalator rip both shoes off of a teenager that only lifted the fronts of his shoes up to exit the escalator. It grabbed one shoestring and then the other. Then it started eating the heel of one shoe. He was able to free one foot just as the other shoe started going. A dude in a business suit tackled the kid and it freed his other foot. The escalator consumed both of his shoes completely. All without even slowing down. Escalators are no joke.
My gut reaction to the gif was "This is dangerous."
Bending over like that seems like WAY more work than just taking a walk with your damn kid.
Children refuse to walk with you, if they realize that you want to take a walk.
You've got to always be one step ahead of them. When my toddler collapses on the ground and refuses to walk, I just turn my back, tell her "byyyeee" and walk away. It gets her up every time.
We cant do that with my youngest (3). His older sister (our 5 year old) will start sobbing about how we CANT leave him behind and will get legitimately worked up for a long time about it even if we reassure her right away.
Worked well with the older 2 tho. The youngest just has a way too overprotective big sister lol
Now that is a problem when they gang up on you!
Just walk around aimlessly, he's too young to know the difference.
My ten month old won’t let me carry her now that she knows how to walk. So I’m constantly bent over her unbalanced, uncoordinated, destined to fall down self. He’s probably in the same boat as I am and soon as you pick that child up they’re pushing themselves off you kamikaze style ready to risk it all just to get to the ground.
they’re pushing themselves off you kamikaze style ready to risk it all just to get to the ground.
Mine likes to throw a throat punch in there to make sure you're too worried about a possibly crushed trachea to hold on to him tightly.
There's a good chance it wasn't dad's chosen activity. We can't walk past an escalator without at least two round trips.
Or he is trying to get the escalator to suck him in
I've been on a plane with screaming 5yrs, 3yrs old and 1yrs, I couldn't stand it. Unfortunately they were my kids.
Got 3 boys. If I had 1 I could do this. With 3 though the others are climbing up the side while you’re trying to do this or talking to some stranger and my wife is yelling at me cause I let them have candy.
Step one: don't let them have candy
Step two: don't let her disrespect you in public
Step three: go back to having two kids and let that be a lesson to the others
"That kids is back... on the escalator again!"
Portland (PDX) has a huge play structure for kids to play on. I'm really surprised all airports don't have one.